One of the hardest things about losing my husband was losing the other person who loves my children as much as I do. After he died, I missed having him as a sounding board. When it came to making hard decisions (or even small, everyday ones), I felt like everything depended on me making the right choices on my kids' behalf.
What’s the best way to respond to a toddler’s tantrums?
How do I discipline a child who breaks curfew? Talks back to me? Gets in trouble for sassing the teacher?
Do I give my child a phone? At what age? When should she get social media?
Like many other single moms, I did not have the added struggle of arguing with my children’s dad, though his absence was huge in other ways. Divorced moms often have to navigate strained or broken or even hostile relationships with their children’s father, and sometimes there is a new stepmom added to the mix. Clashing opinions between the adults complicate everything, and it becomes even harder to sort out what’s wise and what’s needed.
What happens when:
- Your ex lets your elementary kids watch movies you don’t approve of?
- You are worried about your daughter’s friend group, but your ex-husband thinks those kids are great?
- Your son would prefer to go to trade school, but his father wants him to go to college and wants you to share the cost?
Making decisions for my family without a husband caused me many sleepless nights. I wrestled with the competing voices of godly wisdom, worldly wisdom, and just plain “what would be easiest because I am so tired of trying to figure this out?” A marvelous Old Testament story gave me words to pray and brought me comfort as I learned to lift my uncertainty to God and find steadiness in His steadfast love.
A King Calls On the Lord.
Jehoshaphat rules over Judah after Israel split into two kingdoms. Serving “faithfully and wholeheartedly in the fear of the Lord,” Jehoshaphat’s reign is strong and sure, but even he faces threats from enemy nations (2 Chron.19:9). When a vast army assembles against Judah, Jehoshaphat does not panic or call a war council; his first move is to seek God. He declares a national time of fasting and prayer, and leads Judah in prayer:
"Lord, the God of our ancestors, are you not the God who is in heaven? You rule over all kingdoms of the nations. Power and might are in your hand, and no one can withstand you. Our God, did you not drive out the inhabitants of this land before your people Israel and give it forever to the descendants of Abraham your friend?"
2 Chron. 20:6-7
First, Jehoshaphat reminds God and all the assembled nation that God’s power is unrivaled; no one is bigger and stronger than God. Then, he praises God for defending his people in the past. Surely he will do it again.
As moms, we can take the Bible and do the same. Tracing God’s covenant faithfulness and powerful intervention on behalf of his people builds our faith too. We can do likewise by looking back at our own family’s history, marking those times when we saw and experienced God’s present help in tangible ways.
A King TRusts in the Lord.
Then Jehoshaphat’s prayers take a turn that will challenge us. His trust in God is remarkable:
"If calamity comes upon us, whether the sword of judgment, or plague or famine, we will stand in your presence before this temple that bears your Name and will cry out to you in our distress, and you will hear and save us."
2 Chron. 20:9
Jehoshaphat knows that Judah is in a dangerous situation, and he doesn’t know what to do about it. But even before he asks for direction, he affirms his trust in God’s goodness. The king is confident that no matter what his nation’s troubles are, no matter how bad circumstances might get, God will hear their prayers and He will save them.
As we make decisions for our families, we have this kind of assurance too. Though we do try to discern God’s will, we do not have to bear all the weight of responsibility for every single choice we have to make. Like Judah facing an army of enemy warriors, our only hope is in God’s goodness and saving power on our behalf. Even if the decisions we make for our kids don’t bring about the results we had hoped for, God is mighty to save and to redeem.
And because he trusts God so completely, Jehoshaphat prays the prayer I have grown to love:
"For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you." (2 Chron. 20:12).
Jehoshaphat does not lean on his own wisdom. Frankly, he doesn’t know what to do about this enemy threat. But he does not rely on the strength of his own army or the discernment of his generals; he zeroes in on God’s strength and wisdom and waits for God’s direction.
One of the things I love about this story is that the nation prays together. They are led by their king, but he prays on behalf of them all: “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” This speaks to the power of praying with other people. Maybe we find trusted mentors, friends, or brothers and sisters in Christ to pray boldly with us. Maybe, if our kids are old enough and it’s appropriate, we pray together with our children for the Lord to give us the wisdom we need.
A King humbles himself before the Lord.
In our story, Jehoshaphat is not directly given the word of direction from God, but a man named Jahaziel is. Even though he’s their leader, Jehoshaphat is humble enough to listen and follow another man’s counsel because he believes God has given it. The king shares the burden of leadership. His trust is not in other people, but in the God who wants us to come to him as we discern difficult decisions.
Whether or not we enlist other people to pray and advise us, we single moms can trust the God who delights to give us the guidance we need to raise our children in his love.
Meet the Author
In her free time, Anna enjoys gardening, great books, running, hiking, hammocks, and ice cream. She wants to live by a mountain stream in Idaho someday. For more info, visit rootedministry.com/authors/anna-meade-harris/
The Life of a Single Mom is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, the organization has worked with hundreds of churches to start a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond, as well as having served hundreds of thousands of single mothers with a variety of programs. Offering a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, online instructional videos, podcasts, newsletters, life skills education, and more, TLSM is one of the largest single mom organizations in the U.S. The robust selection of single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through Single Mom University, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, boot camps, and a variety of other programs. For more information, visit thelifeofasinglemom.com.
