Who You are is Not What You Do
If you are anything like me, my roles change drastically in different times of my life. From being single and ready to mingle, to being a newlywed and then a mother of 2 incredible children. In that time, I transitioned from working full time as a nurse educator to being a stay at home mom and homeschooling my son…my son and I lived to tell the tale but just barely.
I have struggled with internalizing my core leadership identity even as my duties, obligations and roles changed and my struggle was less about how others saw me and more about how I saw myself. One fundamental mistake I made when trying to understand my identity was that I attached too much significance to my role. I went from being a bold decision maker in the boardroom to second guessing whether to use formula or cloth diapers. I did not recognize myself, the same woman who was confidently developing collegiate curriculum was frustrated to the point of tears trying to teach her 4 year old to read. Understanding the core of who I am as a mother and a leader is part of growing up and spiritual maturity.
What roles do you have as a single mother, a leader in ministry or a stay at home mother? No matter what your role is you have to take responsibility for those entrusted to you and utilize your God-given gifts to help them flourish whether that is in a boardroom, with peers or a bathtub with kids. You are designed to lead in your home as a single mother, what that looks like practically will differ from home to home. You have to drive the stake of your leadership identity deep into the foundation of the Word of God and know that where you are on the organization chart may change, your kids may not follow the path you want, you may feel insufficient at times, but it does not change who you are as a leader. Take purposeful action, resource yourself and exercise dominion in your home.

We have to be passionate about fully walking out our potential as leaders and single mothers because we want our children to be able to stand on our shoulders and go further than we ever dreamed possible. The best way for my children to be secure in their identity is to be nurtured by a mother who is secure in her identity in Christ.  As a writer, when I sit down to pen thoughts and words, I know that my pen is more than a pen, it’s a baton. Let us make sure we pass on the baton.

Mercy Lokulutu is originally from Nigeria and carries with her a rich cultural and spiritual heritage. She is a wife to Marcus and mother to Isaiah and Ava-Pauline. She moved to Florida from Nigeria in 2001 to study nursing, met her husband in a thriving local church and together have continued to help build the local church, globally. For over a decade, Mercy has been teaching the Word of God, serving to build the local church and has traveled around the United States and the world to preach the gospel. Mercy’s love for God is evident in all she does and her desire is to help people come to know Jesus personally and activate the potential in them. She is the author ofAs You Wish: Living a Life of Surrender to God.



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The Life of a Single Mom is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, we have worked with more than 1,500 churches & community groups to start or improve a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond. We have a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, and online instructional videos to support ministry leaders who lead single moms. Our single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through a number of projects including: Single Mom University, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, and a variety of programs throughout the U.S. For more information, visit www.thelifeofasinglemom.com