While there may be many men walking around in the world, waiting on the right one can be hard. As a single mom, it can be even more challenging because you need to be mindful of who you’re bringing around your child or children. Trust me, I’ve been there before.
Looking back, when I was seven months pregnant with my first child, if I'm being honest, I sensed that I was going to be a single mom. I felt it. Over time, the relationship with my son’s father didn’t work out. We tried for years to work things out, but at the end of the day, we both settled on going our separate ways. After I took the necessary time I needed to heal, I began to date again. I didn't want my past relationship to taint my desire and hope to meet the right one to start a family...at least someday.
I went on date after date, only to meet guys who were totally incompatible. I met men who had girlfriends on the side and guys who were just not a fit for me or my son. Until one day, I thought my prince charming had come. He was a writer like me, well-educated, and truly handsome. I just KNEW he was the one. But NOPE! It wasn't long before his true colors came out.
One night, after a date, and while my son slept in the very next room, I told him that I didn’t want to see him anymore. I wanted to be married, but he wasn’t ready for that type of a commitment. Not to mention, we were unequally yoked spiritually (the looks deceived me). How many of us have been there? But lo and behold, he snapped!
He punched me, threw me all around my living room, and then began choking me. It wasn’t until I muffled, “I will call the police!” that he stopped. I was praying for God to help me. Then immediately, he let go of his tight grip, briskly grabbed his things, and left quickly. I couldn’t believe what had just happened!
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After he left my house, I stumbled around the room bleeding, dropped to the floor on my knees, and cried out to God saying:
“Lord, I’m done. I don’t want any more worldly men. Until you bring me my godly husband, I will just live for you. I will raise my son, go to college, work, and wait. I’m done.”
And guess what? My godly husband came two weeks later, and we’ve been married ever since (nearly 20 years to date).
I say all of this to say, wait on the right one. God knows the right mate for you and His timing will be perfect. Knowing this fact, you won’t have to settle for less than His best. The Father knows who you and your child or children will need to become a family. It took walking through what I did to become a firm believer in the wait.
I know there are moms out there thinking about how hard it is. You're lonely. You are tired of the heart break. But here are some practical tips for you to focus on while you are waiting on the right one.
TIP 1: BE MINDFUL OF THE GUYS YOU DATE.
While you’re having conversations, be fully engaged in what is being shared with you. Pay close attention. Also, if you are unequally yoked and non-compatible, don't be afraid to move on. Stop trying to convince yourself it will change - or that you can change him.
TIP 2: TRUST GOD.
It's important to stay in the Word daily. Know what God says about you. Trust that He has bigger for you. Pull out scriptures. Write them down and make it plain. Get coffee mugs, wall art, and refrigerator magnets that reinforce what the Word says if you have to. This will help bring peace that surpasses all understanding.
TIP 3: ENJOY YOUR KID(S).
Embrace what God has blessed you with. While you may be battling loneliness, look at all the beauty around you. You still have those precious babies that should fill you with joy - even with the occasional toddler tantrums, teen rebellion, and "I'm an adult and know what I'm doing" phases. They need you and want to have your heart and undivided attention. So be intentional. Plan play dates and casual conversations. Don't miss them growing up because you are so caught up and focused on dating.
TIP 4: SCHEDULE COFFEE OR LUNCH CHATS WITH FRIENDS OR FAMILY MEMBERS.
This is always a good pastime. It’s not only relaxing, but it’s also refreshing. Be sure to get connected and build your circle.
TIP 5: DRAW EVEN CLOSER TO GOD.
Waiting does not mean wasting. This is a good time to grow in your walk with the Lord. Spend time praying, journaling, meditating on Scripture, and reflecting on His love and goodness. There is joy in the singleness. God does work in the singleness. He shapes and molds you. He shows you who you really are. Spend time with Him and see what He wants for your life.
"Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
Hebrews 4:16
Waiting on the right one is not easy by a longshot. Without a doubt, I know. But know that God is near when you feel frustrated, forgotten, or alone. He’s got you! So, hang in there while you wait on the right one.
To listen to my full testimony, check out the video below! To learn more about Courtnaye, visit www.courtnayerichard.com.
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Meet the Author
The Life of a Single Mom is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, the organization has worked with hundreds of churches to start a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond, as well as having served hundreds of thousands of single mothers with a variety of programs. Offering a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, online instructional videos, podcasts, newsletters, life skills education, and more, TLSM is one of the largest single mom organizations in the U.S. The robust selection of single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through Single Mom University, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, boot camps, and a variety of other programs. For more information, visit www.thelifeofasinglemom.com.
