“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
- Romans 12:2 -
“Why is my parenting method not working?”
“Why is dating so difficult?”
“How am I ever going to change? I am so stuck in my ways!”
Whether it’s single parenting, dating again, co-parenting, or walking in faith, learning a new way of doing things is challenging. The landscape around us changes throughout our journey of next steps, and we may experience confusion, disorientation and lostness. We may find ourselves stumbling, hitting walls, and exposed to greater conflict. What we thought we knew morphs into an unfamiliar alternate route. But God has provided a way to navigate our new surroundings, and the realization of our own incompleteness is the first step to our “unlearning.”
Unlearning is the process by which the brain evaluates and rethinks new information in order to build upon, invalidate or contradict previous learning.
With every repetition, success, or failure, we build neural pathways, becoming proficient processors and efficient data handlers. However, it’s often necessary to unlearn what we’ve identified as insufficient or negative thought processes. Unlearning is recognizing the need for new processes, building new neural pathways, and beginning to think in new ways. In unlearning, we act upon wisdom.
Yet memory complicates unlearning. Consider the following. A type of long-term memory called “explicit memory” involves processing information we consciously must remember. We remember the shopping list. We remember where we placed our keys. We remember appointments. Through developing healthy explicit memory, a new way of life is possible, but it requires stopping, pausing, and thinking before we act or speak.
Consider a second process involving unconscious long-term memory. In “implicit memory,” the brain stores data from early childhood necessary for living, such as learning to use a fork, brushing teeth, or speaking English. As adults, we require little energy or thought to carry out these actions. Yet we need to build and sometimes rewrite our implicit memory as we recognize the need for new habits and thoughts. We need a supernatural renewing of our neural pathways.
The good news is, long before “unlearning” became a buzzword, God provided the answer and the way to this renewal. Romans 12:2 instructs us, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
We are to live differently by thinking differently.
Here’s the good news: through the practice of unlearning, we become a new creation. Our values change. We act differently. Over time as we repeatedly act on faith and truth, God-created explicit memory becomes implicit. Like learning to ride a bike, one day — and sooner if we practice — we don’t even have to think about it!
That is good news, but it gets even better! As believers, 1 Corinthians 2 tells us that we have God’s wisdom through the Spirit of God. In fact, verse 16 tells us “we have the mind of Christ”! Knowing we have the mind of Christ, we can learn to access His thinking. Overwriting our former way of thinking, we recognize...
In parenting as single moms, we are not poor in resources and skills, but have everything we need for life and godliness. (2 Peter 1:2)
We can learn how to co-parent because our ex is not the enemy; our real enemy is the evil one. (Ephesians 6:12)
We can learn to date again because we are not alone and abandoned, but chosen (1 Peter 2:9)
We can walk in faith because we are never alone. (Hebrews 13:5)
Our awareness of needing to unlearn some things that we've accepted to be truth is a gift. It’s our first step in the process of unlearning - a process God is ready to guide us through when we turn to Him.
coaching tip
Take some time today or this week to consider what’s not working in your life. Pray about it. Search Scripture for God’s thinking.
Ask a mentor or mature Christian to help you process and consider Scripture, as you begin to forge new neural pathways and thoughts.
MEET THE AUTHOR
Stacey Jeannett is the founder and director of Single Parent Focus, dedicated to walking and encouraging single parents to “seek God first” in all areas of their lives. Stacey holds a Master’s in Counseling and is a Life Coach through her ministry, Single Parent Focus.
A single parent for most of her daughter’s life and making plenty of mistakes, Stacey cried out to God and He pulled her from the pit of self-sufficiency. Remarried, she now has a blended family of four, along with two son-in-laws, and three adorable grandchildren that call her GG.
WHO WE ARE
The Life of a Single Mom is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, the organization has worked with hundreds of churches to start a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond, as well as having served hundreds of thousands of single mothers with a variety of programs. Offering a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, online instructional videos, podcasts, newsletters, life skills education, and more, TLSM is one of the largest single mom organizations in the U.S. The robust selection of single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through Single Mom University, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, boot camps, and a variety of other programs. For more information, visit thelifeofasinglemom.com.
