“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
Dear Single Mamas:
Are you courting with the intention of marrying? Are you engaged? How exciting! It is beautiful to meet someone who loves you and your child. This kind of love is beautiful because your boyfriend or fiancé made a choice to pursue and love you and your child as you walk towards a Godly marriage.
But in pursuing a Godly marriage, it is important to understand and trust God’s standard now. In the verse quoted above, God tells us that when you marry someone you become “one flesh” with them. Paul expands on oneness in the marriage relationship in Ephesians 5:21- 33. Specifically, Paul notes the way a Godly marriage emulates Christ’s relationship with the Church. Christ’s relationship with the Church was a covenant. Thus, we implicitly see that our marriage is meant to be a covenant.
In Matthew 19:5-6, Jesus himself quoted Genesis 2:24 and then said, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Thus, you and your spouse will be one.
This standard of oneness applies equally to the single mother and the childless woman – when you marry him, you and he enter a covenant and become one flesh. Having a Godly marriage means preferring one another above all else, even though you had your child before you met your (potential) one-day husband. This can be tough, and it runs counter to popular culture. But, if we trust in God, we trust that His design for marriage.
A Godly marriage between you and your fiancé have the opportunity to express the true definition of “love.” The word “love” as used throughout the Bible is defined as “agape,” which is a deliberate choice to express God’s nature of love, even when someone does not deserve it. As Strong’s defines it, expressing agape love is not based on feelings or impulses (which shift depending on the circumstances), and may mean going against the natural inclination to choose a certain person over someone else.
Expressing agape love to your one-day husband can be tough as a single mom. I would know, as it took some time to re-program my mind and switch from what popular culture tells us – choose your child before everyone, even your spouse. But, we must make a conscious choice to go against our natural inclination to prefer our child over our spouse. Covenant is between a man and a woman, not a mother and her child.
By the time you read this article, I will be married to my fiancé. Even though I was a mother first for four, almost five years, I will be striving to pursue covenant and live as one flesh with my fiancé. It may be tough, but I trust in God’s design for marriage. Will you trust God in your future marriage?
From special education classes to single motherhood to graduate of Emory University School of Law, Melonie Wright is proof that God is a Redeemer. When Wright was in preschool, her parents were told she was a slow learner and was placed in special education classes, citing she never talked in class and didn’t respond as others her age did. Melonie encountered God after experiencing much heartache and adversity. As a former college athlete, abuse survivor, and single mom who once had only cents to her name, Melonie knows what it is to be an overcomer through Christ and has a passion to teach other single moms to do the same thing. Melonie lives in Birmingham, AL with her daughter, Raegan, where she practices commercial litigation. To read more about Melonie click here.
The Life of a Single Mom is a global nonprofit committed to seeing no single mom walk alone. Having served more than 50,000 single mothers each year, the goal of the organization is establish support groups for single mothers in communities around the world. To date, we have worked with more than 1,500 churches & community groups to start or improve a single mom’s group. Our programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially, and parentally. For more information, visit www.thelifeofasinglemom.com.