The Unknown by Lekeshia Cody

I caught on pretty quickly that as much as I wanted to be in control of my life, as much as I wanted everything to work out just as I had planned it, that wouldn’t be the case. Growing up, it frustrated me because although I didn’t know it at the time, I dealt with the spirit of control as well as perfectionism. There was something about me that needed everything to work out the way that I had pictured it, the way that I had imagined it would be, the way that I had dreamed it would be, or the way that I hoped it would be. After all, it wasn’t other people that were not keeping their words, it was my plans.

It wasn’t until I had become an adult, started going to church, and developed a relationship with God that I understood exactly what Proverbs 16:9 meant: We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. In my mind, I’m like, "God, we can make plans, but it’s up to you at the end of the day? Like does that mean I can set goals, write the vision, make it plain, but it’s still up to You in the end?" And God simply responded in every instance, "Yes."  I won’t sit here and say I was okay with His response, or I was happy with it, but as I kept living as my grandmother would say, "If you just keep living long enough, you’ll see what I mean." With each experience, with each turn of events, with each no, with each change, I quickly learned to be okay with God ordering my steps, and got used to walking in the unknown.

After all, the Bible tells us to walk by faith, and not by sight (2 Cor 5:7). Imagine yourself being dropped off in a wilderness, with a blindfold on, and the person dropping you off said that the only instruction is to stay the course. Could you imagine what type of feelings that would bring up? If we can be honest, it would bring about fear. It would bring about uncertainty, it would bring about desperation, along with so many other emotions. That’s what walking by faith and not by sight feels like. That’s what walking in the unknown feels like.

We often read that scripture, but how often are we applying it on a day-to-day basis? Walking in the unknown looks like being a single mom. Most of us didn’t plan on parenting children on our own. If you’re a dreamer and a hopeless romantic like me, I imagined my life raising my children in a two-parent household, with my husband loving on me and the children. I imagined us putting up the Christmas tree together. I imagined us cooking Sunday dinners together. I imagined us both sitting down helping the children with their homework. Those were the plans that I had for the father of my children. However, by the age of 22 years old, I was separated with two babies in diapers.

Never in a million years did I see myself figuring out how to talk to my son about “male” issues, or having the conversation with my daughter about why her dad isn’t around. Never in a million years did I see myself working multiple jobs to provide for myself, as well as my children. Never in a million years did I see myself having to pick and choose between calling out of work, or going with my child on a field trip. Never in a million years could I have planned on canceling doctor appointments because I couldn’t be in two places at one time. These are things that I could have never planned for.

The great thing is, God knows our ending before our beginning (Isaiah 46:10). While these things came as a surprise for me, they did not catch God off guard. I find so much comfort in knowing that my present is God’s past, and if that is the case, that means that He already has a plan. My emergency is not an emergency to Him because before I went into the storm, He already orchestrated a plan to bring me out. I am not calling single motherhood a storm, because I have birthed not only two beautiful children, but I have birthed so many things spiritually as well as naturally in my season of singleness. My perspective changed. I don’t see myself as a victim anymore, I see myself as victor. There’s nothing easy about being a single mom, and I am not one of those who walks around expecting a badge of honor because I know it’s only by God’s grace that I am able to walk this journey. It’s only by God’s grace that I am able to parent my kids, work a full-time job, graduate college, pursue entrepreneurship, all while managing a whirlwind of emotions, as well as the ups and downs that life brings. It’s His grace. Always has been, always will be.

This journey has taught me to embrace the unknown like never before. For me, the unknown is believing that I will love again. The unknown is believing that the man that God has for me has already been prepared, and he is going to love me like Christ loves the church. That he’s going to love my children as if they were his. The unknown is believing that although I came from poverty, poverty is no longer my story. It’s believing that all things really do work together for my good. It’s believing that I will reap if I keep going. It’s believing that even in the darkest of the dark moments, God will never leave me nor forsake me. It’s believing that even with bills piling up, even with my bank account not being where I would want it to be right now, that my life is getting better and better by the day. The unknown is me understanding that I don’t always need the answers, and having confidence in knowing that God knows when, and He knows how. The unknown is me choosing to live again. The unknown is me choosing to get up again after I’ve fell down.

My hope and prayer for you reading this is that you will start to embrace the unknown for your own life. That you will trust God even when it doesn’t make sense. That you will trust that His plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future. That you will soon be telling your story of how you walked by faith and not by sight, and it rendered so much breakthrough for you.