I raised three beautiful children primarily without their father (2 fathers) and found it difficult to have the energy for time to tend to my soul. I felt like I was just existing in life. I was operating and functioning at a high level, but I was unhealed from the past events that impacted my life. I didn’t recognize at the time that my soul was depleted. I couldn’t identify what was missing from my life because I had mastered the outer appearance so well. I was just moving through life like an outer-body experience. It took a car accident for me to begin to understand that I was focusing on everything else in my life, but my needs were not on the radar. I realized it was time to do the soul work.
What is soul work? What are some steps that you can do to fill your soul with goodness? When we discuss soul work, I am referencing unconditionally loving yourself exactly as you are. The same type of deep love that you have for your children. Soul work requires real dedication and commitment. I believe that self-love is a birth right. What happens is when as we grow into adulthood, life events, environments, ideas, or repressed thoughts may cause you to alter your soul work. Think of soul work like this: Have you ever experienced any serious physical pain like a migraine or a bad toothache? What do you do? Typically, we immediately go seek medical care so that we can get relief from the pain. We may not have that same level of commitment to go receive care for the soul. We will soak in victim mentality or unhappiness. The soul work is just as important as seeking medical care for the physical body.
I have 4 tips that will help you fill your soul:
- Ask for help | Sometimes it is difficult to ask for help. We don’t want other people to believe we can’t handle what is happening in our life for fear of what they may think. Be specific about what you need. It may be an hour break. It may be an uninterrupted nap. Just be clear about what you need.
- Healthy support team | Single mothers can often feel isolated and overwhelmed, so it's important to feel that you have some sort of community behind you. Look for a support group in your community that aligns with you. This group can also meet virtually.
- Realize YOU are a priority | Don’t fall into the supermom mentality. Feeling that in addition to working all day, you must also keep a clean house, serve home-cooked meals, and tend to the children's needs. Be realistic about what you can and can't accomplish in a day. The world will not stop if you didn’t get the laundry done.
- Appreciate what you have | Focus on what's good and right about your family rather than focusing on what's wrong or lacking. Consider if your children are loved and well cared for; whether their basic needs are being met in a consistent, dependable way; and whether your home is a warm and happy place to be. This is what truly counts.
You can no longer ignore your soul by not meeting your own needs. You need to be filled with self-love. Stop tolerating situations and people that do not bring value to your life. Mommas, one of the main reasons why we work the way we do is because of the love we have for our families. Continuously doing the soul work will ensure that we are giving our children the BEST version of ourselves.
Meet the Author
Dr. Tia Murry is the Founder/CEO of FLI LLC which specializes in empowering and equipping audiences by providing a navigational flight plan through speaking, coaching, and publishing. She believes in equipping women internationally with the tools to courageously share their voice. Tia is known for her engaging presence, her uplifting messages and teaching styles that are transparent, truthful, and humorous. She is living testimony that life may take you through turbulent storms, but YOU can manifest YOUR heart’s desire and FLI.
Serving is Tia’s passion, but nothing comes before the love and care she has for her children, Derrick, Tamia, and Jazmyn, and her most precious granddaughter Amaiah.
The Life of a Single Mom is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, the organization has worked with hundreds of churches to start a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond, as well as having served hundreds of thousands of single mothers with a variety of programs. Offering a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, online instructional videos, podcasts, newsletters, life skills education, and more, TLSM is one of the largest single mom organizations in the U.S. The robust selection of single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through Single Mom University, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, boot camps, and a variety of other programs. For more information, visit www.thelifeofasinglemom.com.
