The Gift of Receiving Help by Amy Sun

One scorching summer day in Arizona, I took my three young children to the pool to cool down and have fun. I held my toddler before me as I bobbed around, keeping his head above water, while my other two semi-swimmers clung to my arms. As we enjoyed the coolness of the water and joyful splashes of other frolicking children, I didn’t notice that I had slowly been drifting toward the deep end of the pool.

Suddenly, my middle child slipped off my arm and disappeared below the surface. In a frantic effort to grab at him while not dropping the baby, my daughter lost her grip on my arm. Then, the chaos ensued with the shrieking of whistles as three lifeguards simultaneously launched into the pool to rescue my drowning family.

Just as I didn’t intend to end up at deep end with my children, most single parents didn't end up in their situation intentionally. Something dramatic happened – perhaps an unplanned pregnancy and the bio-dad suddenly disappeared, a marriage ended with contention or after an abusive situation or the death of a spouse. Regardless of how, most single moms haven't found themselves in their situation by luck, goodwill, or choice. Most single moms were thrown into the deep end and forced to figure out how to keep themselves and their children afloat – even when they didn't know how to swim.

Here’s the amazing thing about single moms…self-preservation kicks in, and more significant than that – the love for our children supersedes the pull of the deep as we fight, kicking and clawing, to propel our families to safety. 

We do it because we have to. We do it because it turns out that we can. We are stronger than we think! Our love for our children is greater than the "yuck" life threw at us. And guess what - we don’t have to do it alone. There are others out there with big hearts and a willingness to help.

Help comes in a variety of forms. When I was thrown into single parenting with three children, ages 4, 6 & 7, help came in the form of my supportive family, who were willing to help raise my children and provide a home for us. It came in the form of a church family that surrounded us with love, encouragement, someone to mow the lawn and fix a broken window as needed. It came in the form of a small group that helped me stay connected to Jesus and provided love, food, and fellowship. It came from a friend who helped me find a job to support my kids.

Accepting help can be a challenging act of humility. After all the hits taken in single parenting, a determination to fight takes hold, which, if left unchecked, can build a wall around your heart and your home. "I can do it myself" becomes a mantra. "I don't need a man."  "I don't need help." “I don’t need protection.”

But, momma, the truth is...we do need help.

We all do. Every phase of life has its challenges where help is needed. God knew that and built into the body of Christ the spiritual gift of helping.

1 Corinthians 12:28 says, “And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues.”

It has been 13 years since I became a single mom, and I still struggle with accepting help. As a strong, resilient woman, I have taken my family of four on road trips across our beautiful state of Arizona as well as across state lines to explore, from the wilds of the Tetons to California beaches. We have successfully navigated elementary, middle school, and high school years. We have overcome surgeries, accidents, sickness, and COVID-19. But despite how fiercely strong and in control I am, there are moments when I can't do it alone. 

Recently, I needed some lightbulbs changed in our 12-foot ceilings, and it took days for me to be willing to reach out to a neighbor for help. He came immediately with his ladder, and minutes later, the job was done. I ran into his wife a few days later at the mailbox and thanked her, admitting how hard it was to ask for help. She pulled me into the longest, hardest hug and said, "That's what neighbors are for!" It was a simple concept, yet she was right – that's what neighbors are for. A neighbor, as defined by Jesus in the story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37), is anyone in our path to whom we can show love and kindness. 

If the Good Samaritan had not stopped and lent a helping hand, the beaten man on the path would have died. Conversely, if the man hadn't been willing to receive the help offered, he would have died. Blessing and healing came in the helping AND the receiving of help.

I know it's hard, but hard things aren't necessarily bad. Opening our hands to receive may feel like failing. It may feel like we're a burden to someone else or that we're not worth someone else's time; however, overcoming obstacles and reaching out for help can provide opportunities to learn, grow, and even speak life into other people who need us as much as we need them.

The beautiful part of learning to receive help is that we learn to open our hands, let go of some of the control, and we model for our kids how God intended the body of Christ to work, that there’s a time to give and to receive. It's a blessing to receive. As we open our hearts to let healing in, our children also get in on that healing process. And BONUS - we get things done that need to get done and fixed that need to be fixed!

Then, out of the overflow of love that poured into us, we can pour love into others with the giftings and capabilities God has given us.

Deep ends do not have to define us or drown us. Sometimes, they can reshape us, reminding us that God has abundantly provided for all our needs. That provision just might come through the hands and hearts of others.

[i] https://www.gotquestions.org/gift-of-helps.html