The Gift of Presence vs. Presents for Christmas by Kim Anthony

Many of us find ourselves stressing as the Christmas season nears. We tell ourselves we won't overdo it with presents, but somehow, we do. There are parties to attend, meals to make, family to please. And if that isn't enough, there may be the weight of not having the budget needed to create the type of Christmas experience you want for your child. It can be tempting to use gift-giving to make up for absent fathers and other challenges kids living in a single parent home may face. But what if the most valuable thing you could give to your child is your presence?

There is one Christmas that has always stood out to me. I went into the living room that morning and found my mother sitting there, alone. Even though my parents were married at the time, my father was in and out of our lives at his convenience. He would disappear for weeks on end and many times he didn't show up for holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. Left to provide for us on her own, even before the divorce, my mom was a single mom.

There were still a lot of presents under the tree that year, even though we were left to celebrate alone. Mom had a knack for making a few gifts look like a lot. If an item came with a detachable accessory, she wrapped it up in a separate box. One year, she gave me a Polaroid OneStep Camera and the body of the camera, film, flash bulbs, and the batteries were all wrapped in their own separate boxes. One gift became four.

This particular morning, I sat on the floor, across from my mom as she passed each present to me. I tore off the wrapping paper, opened up the boxes, and pulled back the tissue paper. All I found in each one of those boxes was a small note. On each note was written what my mother would have gotten me, if she had the money to buy it.

Mom knew my wish list, so each of those notes had a clothing item written on it. As a teenaged girl, I was into fashion and being "in style" when I went to school was important to me. After I had opened up all the boxes, we sat on the carpet and Mom lined the notes across the floor between us. Then she proceeded to pair the notes together to make up multiple outfits and showed me how to mix and match the items so I could create the maximum amount of clothing combinations. I’d be able to go to school for two weeks straight without wearing the same outfit twice!

Mom assured me that when she could afford to purchase the items, she would start adding them to my wardrobe. As she described how each item looked and how the various colors and textures would complement each other, she created an excitement that day, that planted a seed of hope.

Benefits of Your Presence

I have known this for a while, but having lost my mom to cancer a few years ago, it solidifies the fact that my mom's presence is the greatest gift I have ever received from her. Likewise, your presence is the greatest gift you could ever give your child. I know motherhood can be a thankless job, especially when the kids are little. They can be whiny, unappreciative, and they don't understand the sacrifices you've made. But as they get older your presence will become much more important to them than any presents you can or cannot afford to buy them.

By your presence...

• They gain a sense of security, knowing that you love, care, and are there for them.
• They learn to value themselves as you show an interest in them and the things that concern them most.
• They learn how to carry themselves with dignity and respect as you help them to understand that they have value and purpose in this world.
• They learn it's okay to grieve their losses and heartaches when you empathize with them while they are going through tough times.
• They learn resilience as you encourage them and model for them how to continue to rise in the face of adversity time and time again.

Infusing your child with these gifts will strengthen them and show up as the courage, tenacity and confidence they need to overcome whatever challenges they may face ahead. These are priceless gifts that keep giving for a lifetime and guess what…they are affordable.

WHY YOUR PRESENCE IS IMPORTANT

Your presence is important as you parent because it is in your presence that life lessons are taught and caught. During that special Christmas I had with my mom, I learned patience. I wasn't able to get what I wanted when I wanted it, but I realized that if was patient enough to wait until we could afford them, I would get the privilege of hand picking the items myself, which would guarantee that I’d get my preferred choices. I also learned to dream and that my current circumstances did not determine my future.

Most of all, I learned the depth of the love and care that my mom had for me. She didn't have tangible presents to give to me that day. But she wrapped up those notes with love and gave me an experience of a lifetime. How a single mom with no money to buy presents for her child, turned what could have been total disappointment into a fun game of anticipating what the future would hold, I don't know. But one thing I do know is that the positive impact she had on my life that Christmas continues to be wax strong even today.

WAYS TO INCREASE YOUR PRESENCE OVER PRESENTS

   1 // Create memorable traditions and experiences that may include special desserts, lights, movies, songs, etc.

   2 // Give your child undivided attention by scheduling blocks of undistracted time with them.

   3 // Verbalize love and encouragement. When you tell your children how proud you are of them, celebrate when they excel at something or make good choices, you are placing deposits into their love bank. It's better that you fill their banks with encouragement and truth than for someone else to do so with discouragement and lies.

KEEP TRUSTING. YOU WIN!

So, there we sat on the living room floor arranging pieces of paper into make believe outfits I could wear someday. My mom was saddened by our circumstances but did everything she could to make the day special. If I could go back in time, knowing what I know now, here is what I would say to her…

Mom, you are strong, optimistic, and amazing.

You show me how to trust God for the blessings we’re awaiting.

Thank you for all you’ve done to make this a special day.

Wrapping each little note, shows love in the highest way.

You’re teaching me life lessons, for future generations.

And people will know of your resilience, all around this nation.

Yes, many will hear of your strength and your struggle to give us a better life.

Mom, I've been to the future and I’ve seen it… with courage you win this fight!

So, wipe your tears, lift up your head, stay true to the God you trust.

Our future is bright, God keeps his promise, and he never leaves or forsakes us.