I was fairly confident that I would survive my divorce for a few reasons.  I had survived my parents’ divorce.  I had survived other hard things along the way. And I had survived living in a difficult marriage for over eighteen years.

What I wasn’t confident of was if my children would survive the divorce. They were young. They were naive. They hadn’t had to survive anything difficult at all really prior to that time.

I had this argument in my head for months and months, going back and forth between the often-quoted “children are resilient” and the “this will permanently damage my kids and all of their future relationships”.

In my experience the past few years, both of those statements are true and both are false.

TLSM 4 books. Click HERE to look at them.

I find that “children are resilient” is tossed around by adults who don’t want to take responsibility for how their poor choices have affected the children in their lives.

And yet, my kids have turned out to be fairly buoyant, weathering the pain and change and awkwardness, with grace and growth.

The thought that my children will be forever broken rings true in some ways. Divorce is not how it’s supposed to be; divorce is not supposed to be any child’s childhood backdrop. And yes, in ways, we are all broken.

Yet, I am already seeing evidence in my children’s lives – as teenagers – of how they are making pretty mature, pretty healthy choices in how they conduct themselves emotionally and relationally.

It’s as if part of me thought as I started walking the divorce road that my children’s destinies were based on a roll of the dice.  It’s as if part of me forgot Who is in charge, Whose children they really are, Who they belong to.

Because once I got that settled, I realized that pretty much no matter what happens, my kids will be okay.  And I don’t mean that their entire lives will be amazing with only good things from start to finish.  I mean that even if more bad things happen to them or even if they make one bad choice after another for the rest of their lives, Jesus will still be with them, Jesus will never abandon them, Jesus will walk them through it all, and Jesus will love them even more than I ever could. And that, dear ones, is how our children survive divorce.

 

Elisabeth Klein is the author of Unraveling: Hanging Onto Faith Through the End of a Christian Marriage, speaker and a member of Redbud Writers’ Guild. She led a women’s ministry in her church for ten years. She currently leads small groups, writes, and speaks to women surrounding faith, difficult marriage, domestic abuse, divorce and single parenting issues. She lives with her two teenage children in Illinois. Visit her online at http://www.elisabethklein.com.
Our programs provide solutions to single parent challenges. We are the industry leader in helping churches and communities start or improve a single mom’s support group, ministry, and outreach plan. Our programs focus on helping single moms succeed in finances, parenting, and health & wellness. We serve more than 72,000 single mothers annually and have worked to launch or improve 1,500+ single mom support groups. We are a hub for all things single parent and single parent-ministry related, offering a barrage of resources and services for single moms and those who work with single moms. We are a multi-award winning, fully-accredited 501(c)3 nonprofit that offers in-depth training for those who want to start single moms’ ministries, ongoing coaching, single mom & pastors events, state-of-the-art curriculum, and so much more.

The Life of a Single Mom (TLSM) is a 501c3 nonprofit that exists to serve single parents and those who work with single parents. We are fully accredited through a variety of organizations that include high levels of financial accountability and awards for our premiere financial stewardship, including GuideStar, Evangelical Council of Financial Accountability, Great Nonprofits, Chamber of Commerce, LANO, and others. https://thelifeofasinglemom.com/