It’s me, again. I know we just talked, but I’m back… and you are still here.
You’re still here, my Lord.
I love that about you.
Did you know that? You don’t care how many times I come back with the same questions… or even with nothing at all. You are always standing there, welcoming me to run to you in the middle of my moments.
You never condemn me for my doubts and fears, Lord. You just lovingly pull me close to you. You know the number of hairs on my head. You know the desires of my heart. Lord, you COUNT my tears, because they matter to you. I matter to you. My kids matter to you. WE matter to you.
That’s a game changer, Lord.
You will never, ever leave me. Trust is hard for me, God, but I believe You when you say that you are here from now until I see you face to face.
This single parent thing can be pretty tough, Jesus. I feel alone sometimes; even when I know you are here. There is this feeling of being terminally unique at times, God. It’s critical care kind of stuff. I can find every reason that I’m not like the world around me. I can find every reason to isolate and just go through the motions of life.
Sometimes all it boils down to is that I’m terrified of saying the words…. that the weight of what I carry just might overwhelm those that love me.
My mind is constantly racing, Lord. It’s on the laundry that isn’t finished, the dinner that will need to be cooked, the homework that needs to be done, the volunteer work that I REALLY want to do, and… and… and… oh, the car just broke down? Yeah. That, too. The list just never ends, and there is not enough of me to handle a load like this.
Lord, I don’t have enough hours at the end of the day and I have too much month left at the end of the money.
But God. But God. You take the most confounding moments in life, and you bring peace, order, hope, and love. When the circumstances don’t change one bit, you do heart surgery on me and make me better for having walked the path.
You are the Ultimate Dot Connecter and Promise Keeper.
You tell me that you give me daily bread- just what I need for THIS very day.
You remind me that when my plan is up in the air ten ways to Sunday, that YOU have a plan and the plan is for good, not harm.
You call me into relationship with your kids and your church, because you know that I will grow there and that iron sharpens iron.
Lord, I’m a walking prayer request, and it often makes me feel needy to bubble one more request for prayer during the alter call. You remind me, though, that when I don’t wear a mask that says, “I’m fine” at all times, another one of your daughters is empowered to take her mask off, also.
Can we all just turn in our masks, Lord? Oh, what a day that will be! When the women of God have had enough of pretending and become intentional about walking through the tears to get to the faces behind the masks.
I’ll be back soon, Lord. For now, though? I’m so grateful that I don’t do this alone. I can’t do this without you…. and I know that I don’t ever have to. Thank you for seeing me. Thank you for always seeing the one, Lord.
In Jesus Name I Pray, Amen
Born and raised in Sweet Home Alabama, Christie Aitken describes her parenting journey as “single and special.” She believes the sacred ground of parenting her two boys is where God shares His message of grace and hope most intimately with her. Through her journey of single & special needs parenting, Christie founded Single Mom Central and Roundtable Solutions to minister to single moms and provide support to special needs families. Christie is a graduate of Troy University, and an active member of Church of the Highlands where she enjoys serving as a Small Group Coach and Leader. She is delighted to be a Featured Expert for The Life of a Single Mom for 2015. For more info, visit www.singlemomcentral.net.
The Life of a Single Mom is a national organization headquartered in Baton Rouge, Louisiana that focuses on seeing no single mom walk alone. The organization serves more than 50,000 single mothers annually from around the United States and more than 2,000 in Greater Baton Rouge through their support group network, outreach event, educational classes, online communities, and more. For more information, visit www.thelifeofasinglemom.com