Being a single mom was one of the most challenging yet rewarding adventures I’ve undertaken. It was full of ups and downs and tons of lessons.
My journey began on my 15th birthday when I got pregnant by someone I did not know. Although I love the result of what came out of that situation – my son – more than I even love myself, my birthdays are often filled with mixed emotions. I usually spend any time that I am alone on my birthday crying. I don’t even really know why because I am long over what happened. However, most birthdays I can’t control the feelings and always find myself moody, reclusive, and crying as my birthdays approach.
However, in the last few years, I have made deliberate efforts to celebrate all the things that God has done and trust me…there is much to be grateful for. I am intentional about enjoying the life that I have been given. I give myself permission to love myself publicly and celebrate the amazing life I’ve been blessed to have and the amazing life that came from me.
One year, I had a beautiful two-week journey to and from Gatlinburg where I got to take some time to be away from the busyness of life. People probably think I’m strange, but one of the best parts of that trip was the time of reflection I was able to have. I was reminded of the amazing journey I’ve had, the mother I’ve been, the friends God has sent my way throughout the different phases of my life, and all the accomplishments despite the odds.
Whether my son is with me, my girls are by my side, or I’m all alone, I still take intentional time to focus on the goodness of God. Instead of shedding tears, I choose joy. Only gratitude, immense gratitude, and these seven lessons that I hope to apply to my life forever. Not just my birthdays, but when life gets hard. My prayer is that these 7 things help you in your journey as well.
- Get out. Enjoy yourself. As the sad feelings started to creep up, I got a phone call from my friend to go out and listen to live music. At first, I was just going to go home and work but was so glad I chose to get out! It cost nothing but my time, and it felt great to take a break and enjoy myself. Another day, I had a beautiful patio dinner with another great friend. Do something, especially the free things, to take your mind off of the seriousness of life and the pressures of motherhood.
- Do something different. My hair had grown a lot and was coming down my back, but it was time to change things up. I took out the braids I had been wearing and was ready for my new look. It was a last minute thought, and I was back and forth until I finally decided, “Just do it!” Then, chop! I was scared at first (you know how it is for most of us when it comes to our hair), but once she (my hairdresser) started with the cut, I got excited, and I am so glad I did it. I’ll also be looking for other changes to make in my life! What’s something different you can do to bring interest and excitement to your life?
- Treat yourself. I spend most of my time working on my two businesses trying to find more ways to effectively help people improve their lives. With my transition from corporate America, my budget is not nearly the same so I rarely treat myself. Once a year, for my birthday, I choose to pamper myself. Whether you splurge and get that mani/pedi, coffee at your local cafe, or hang up your apron and order in for the night, it’s important to treat yourself every once in a while. What’s one thing, big or small, that you can do to treat yourself?
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- Embrace your singleness. It feels great when you can enjoy being single — even a single mom. Being single means I have lots of time for God, my child, myself, my friends, my work, and everyone else who is important to me. I don’t have to check with anyone about their plans or what they want from me or where they want me to be. God has space and opportunity to speak to me, shape me, and mold me. What are aspects of being single – a single mom – that you appreciate?
- KISS -Keep it simple silly. The day of my actual birthday, I went to church with my friend then went to brunch downtown with a few more of my friends. It was so nice, so simple, and so fun. We then walked over to listen to live music where we shared more laughs, more good times, and more memories. Nice, simple, stress free. What are ways that you can simplify what may be a complicated life or situation?
- Just go. When my cousin said she needed a getaway, I first responded that I needed to work and couldn’t afford a trip right then. She reassured me that we’d be okay and said, “Let’s just go!” When she asked if any of my friends wanted to go, their initial responses mirrored mine—too busy and needed to save money. Then, they too decided that they needed a getaway and wanted to make the sacrifice. We all have obligations, but we all made the decision that you just need to make sometimes. Work will be there, and so will bills and responsibilities of life including motherhood. Sometimes you just need to go!
- Love yourself and love others. Life is short. Too short to focus on your flaws. Too short to not enjoy your blessings both big and small. Too short to not enjoy life. Focus on what’s good and how amazing you’re handling the toughest job of all—motherhood. Look for ways to love on yourself whether it’s the lessons I’ve shared or the ones you’ve learned on your journey too.
Resilience and leadership expert, Summer Owens is teaching the world the power of saying, “S.O. What!”. Summer is an author, speaker, and S.O. What! Success Coach who uses her life’s challenges to educate and inspire others to achieve success in spite of their obstacles. She is the founder and president of S.O. What!, a motivational speaking and educational consulting business. She is also the founder of the S.O. What! Foundation which offers unique opportunities and experiences to underprivileged youth.
A magna cum laude graduate of the University of Memphis, Summer is a former Ms. University of Memphis, adjunct professor, Fogelman College of Business and Economics Young Alumna Award recipient, Distinguished Alumni Award recipient, and is currently the President of the National Alumni Association Board of Directors. She also graduated magna cum laude with an MBA from Belhaven University.
