For many singles, the desire of your heart is to eventually be married, to find a life partner. Many single moms deeply desire to move into a God-honoring marriage at some point in the future, whether now or later. The wait sometimes can feel like forever, as you wait upon the Lord. But it is often during this time of waiting that the Lord is refining our character and teaching things that we hadn’t slowed down enough to consider before. As you navigate the single parenting years and eventually move into seeking a new, romantic relationship that would result in marriage, there are a few pieces of advice, we’d like you to consider.
1. Watch your words.
Blessing and cursing flows from our lips. The words of which we come into agreement to matter far more than most Christians have been taught. Flippant words will not serve you well, as you pursue a new partner. If you say things like, “There are no good Christian men (women) left,” or “I will never marry again,” or “I will never find someone,” or “No good man would ever want me,” then do not be surprised when those things are true. You are pre-dispositioning yourself to always see men as scoundrels, always be broken and unlovable, and to never move into your new season. You are cursing yourself when you speak these words of death over yourself. For some of you, the first thing you need to do today is repent from speaking things that did line up with God’s word, then renounce them from your life. A sample prayer could be, “Father, I renounce ever saying that I would never be married again. I renounce saying there are no good Christian men. I stand on the truth of your Word. I am ready to receive whatever you have for me and choose to be obedient and patient in the wait. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
2. Trust God's Timing.
Too many single moms think they have to figure it all out, that we have to somehow control the situation. We cannot attempt to control and manipulate in our own timing. If not careful, one can enter into a new relationship that God did not put His stamp of approval on. God will give you the desires of your heart, as you seek His kingdom first. We must all, as Believers, get to a place, where honoring God and His word and His plan for our lives is more important than our marital status, career goals, or future plans. We must seek to be used by the Lord, trusting He’ll bring a life partner, if it be His will. Be reminded of two things:
In 1 Corinthians 7:1-40, Paul praises and recognizes committed singleness, and teaches that it may be better to remain unmarried than to get married. In verse 2, Jesus says, "It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am". Singleness is not a curse. In fact, it is merely a season for almost every person in the room. The question is, “What is God teaching me in this season? How can I grow closer to Him? How can I trust Him more?”
This time of singleness is a great time for your faith to be built. Jesus said over and again, it is faith that makes us healed, healthy, and whole. If we can shore up our faith and trust Him during singleness, we are then ready to add value to a future spouse. The first recorded instance of Jesus saying, “Your faith has made you well” is found in Matthew 9:22 (ESV) where Jesus heals the woman with the issue of blood. The KJV translates Jesus’ words as “Thy faith hath made thee whole,” and the NIV says, “Your faith has healed you.” The same incident is also recorded in Mark 5:34, where Jesus says, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease” (ESV). Allow this time of singleness to be a faith-building season.
3. Deal with you.
May we be honest? Too often, as singles, we did not take the time to deal with our own inadequacies, heart wounds, and others, and then expect a new romantic interest to fix it for us. We have got to deal with the things in our life that do not honor the Lord - poor spending habits, your poor parenting techniques, poor care of our bodies, and most especially, poor spiritual disciplines. It is also worth noting that unhealed heart wounds are the biggest reason why relationships do not work out. Unhealed heart wounds present themselves in many ways, including unhealthy spending habits, unhealthy ways of communication, unhealthy sex lives, and much, much more. Many people think they can jump into a new relationship to mask the pain of an old one. Too many rush into the next thing – often welcoming distractions, such as new jobs, new house, new boyfriend, or new town – and you have not taken the time to sit with the Lord to ask Him what can be learned.
4. Refuse to Disobey the lord.
God does not bless the shack up or the hook up. There is no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. In a culture that has glorified both, it can be increasingly hard to live a holy life of sexual purity, consecrated before the Lord. No matter how culture has evolved, the Word of God is still applicable today. The excuses to engage in co-habitation and one-night stands can be many. It makes sense financially. My lease was expiring. God told me to, so that I could introduce him to the Lord. I wanted to get to know him better before we got married. We’re already married in our hearts. There is no blessing on sin. In fact, a curse comes from your habitual, unrepentant sin. Consequences are paid for disobedience that may look like repeated break-ups, failed marriages, constant money trouble, or no real enjoyment in the future marriage bed. Understand that the blessing of God brings the design of God – there is unity, the two become one flesh, as submitted and surrendered to the Lord.
"Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So, glorify God in your body."
1 Corinthians 6:18-20
Sadly, because of today’s culture, there is little repentance in sexual immorality. Yet, no other sin so clearly affects the body. The Lord creates principles in His Kingdom and He does not break or defile His own principles. To be clear, there is never a scenario when God ordains disobedience. Never.
5. Learn to be a spouse.
The interim time between singleness and marriage should also be a time of gleaning from those currently in marriage to learn how to be a wife (or husband), while also seeking Scripture and guidance from the Holy Spirit for ways to grow in this area. While some things are obviously “on-the-job training,” it is prudent to learn from others, as well. Wifery requires submission, according to Scripture. Husbandry requires leadership and love, as Christ loved the church. These positions both require unity and coming under one accord in the spirit. Today’s culture has continued to push towards emasculating men and teaching women that submission must mean less-than or dishonor. However, this is not so, according to Scripture.
Look at what Ephesians 5:25-33 says:
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.[a] 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. "
Ephesians 5:25-33
Both women and men have roles and responsibilities within the framework of marriage. Understanding each other’s roles creates harmony and unity in the marriage, and honor to the Lord, as each compliment one another in role, service, and duty.
WHO WE ARE
The Life of a Single Mom is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, the organization has worked with hundreds of churches to start a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond, as well as having served hundreds of thousands of single mothers with a variety of programs. Offering a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, online instructional videos, podcasts, newsletters, life skills education, and more, TLSM is one of the largest single mom organizations in the U.S. The robust selection of single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through Single Mom University, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, boot camps, and a variety of other programs. For more information, visit www.thelifeofasinglemom.com.
