The Secret Struggles of a Single Mom on Christmas Day by April Gilchrist Thomas

Growing up, Christmas was my absolute favorite time of year—until the dreaded anticipation of 3PM on Christmas Day turned everything upside down.

For those of you who haven’t gone through a divorce, I’m sure you’re baffled as to why this hour of the day could mean so much. In your typical custody agreement, the holidays are often split into two visitation periods, with the exchange happening at 3 PM on Christmas Day. In co-parenting terms, this means the time each parent has with the kids during the holidays. So, if you have the first half, your visitation period is from the time the kids get out of school until 3 PM on Christmas Day. The other parent has them from 3 PM until the day before they go back to school. (And yes, the phrase “visitation period” is somewhat triggering, years after this was my life. It sounds so temporary, legal, absent of the connectedness we feel as family doesn’t it? A chat for another day!)

In my situation, I always had the first half of the holidays instead of alternating like most co-parents. I was grateful for this arrangement because it meant I got to enjoy Christmas morning with my kids. (I apologize wholeheartedly if that’s triggering to some.) As wonderful as that was, there was always the reality that just a few hours after our blissful Christmas morning, they would be off to see their dad. The presents would be opened, the food eaten, and the fashion show complete. The toys would be barely touched before they went to do it all over again at their dad’s house.

I often worried about overdoing it. Was I giving too much? Was I spoiling them? Knowing they were getting even more at their father’s house, should I scale back? The dilemma was that I loved giving and seeing their faces light up. I didn’t want to feel like I wasn’t doing enough. In the most successful co-parenting situations, the parents work together on these things. But my situation wasn’t like that—it always felt contentious. As 3 PM approached, my nerves grew more frayed, and sadness filled my heart.

One particular Christmas Eve, as we were leaving my sister’s house, the weight of it all felt heavier than ever. I looked up to wave goodbye and saw her perfectly complete family of four, huddled together on the porch. For them, 3 PM on Christmas Day meant a peaceful afternoon of laughing and playing together—no worries, no watching the clock, no rushing to the car. Oh, how I longed for that, I thought, as a pity party started in my heart. Let’s just say that after 3 PM the next day, I was a sad, depressed mess, staring at the photos of perfect families on the Christmas cards lining my mantle, while I cleaned up wrapping paper and packed up leftovers. I might have indulged in a few too many desserts, trying to bury my emotions.

In those moments of heartache, I discovered a valuable lesson. I realized I was operating on “emotions out,” as they say. It’s so easy for Satan to dangle that perfect image right when we’re feeling the most vulnerable, leading us to compare our struggles with others and spiral downward. While it’s natural to have moments like this (after all, you’re human), lingering in that pain robs you of the lessons God wants you to learn. We go THROUGH these challenges; we don’t stay in them.

It may seem unimaginable if you’re in this season of visitation schedules, but let me assure you that God uses each and every thing you’re experiencing to shape you. Often, the area of your greatest pain is the area of your greatest ministry. (I didn’t believe it either, but now look. I’ve been there. I get it.) One day, you’ll use these experiences to encourage someone else. You may be the one who makes all the difference in the world to that mom who’s hurting at 3 PM!

So as you welcome this holiday season, remember: no one has it all figured out. Cherish your beautiful family, share a laugh, and know that you are doing an amazing job.

Now, here are a few tips for getting through the challenging, triggering, or emotional parts of the holidays, whether that’s 3 PM on Christmas Day or another moment:

1. Set Realistic Expectations

Let’s be honest—perfect holidays are a myth! Don’t stress over every detail. Instead, focus on creating those memorable moments that you and your kids will laugh about for years to come (even if the cookies end up a little burnt!).

2. Practice Self-Care

Remember to take a little time for yourself amidst the holiday hustle. Whether it’s a long, relaxing bath, a refreshing walk, or diving into a good book, you deserve some “me time.” Treat yourself—you’ve earned it!

3. Connect with Others

Surround yourself with those who lift you up! You don’t have to attend every gathering, but don’t isolate yourself. Reach out to friends or family who make you smile. And if Aunt Mary offers unsolicited advice, just smile and say, “Bless your heart!”

4. Focus on Gratitude

Take a moment to reflect on what you’re thankful for. Shifting your focus can work wonders for your mood. Try starting a gratitude jar with your family—each day, jot down something you’re grateful for. At the start of the new year, read them together and celebrate the blessings you’ve shared.

5. Create New Traditions

If the usual holiday celebrations feel tough, why not start some new traditions that bring you joy? Host a game night, do a fun craft, or take a whimsical walk wearing silly holiday hats or blinking red noses. Embrace the quirky activities that make your family smile—it’s those moments that become the most cherished memories!

As you navigate this holiday season, remember that you're not alone in your struggles. Embrace the imperfections and the chaos, for they often lead to the most heartfelt moments. Each challenge you face is an opportunity for growth, both for you and your children. Celebrate the small victories, lean on your support network, and find comfort in your faith in God. Trust that He is with you in every moment, guiding you through the ups and downs. You are doing an incredible job, and your love and resilience will shine through even in the toughest times. Celebrate the journey ahead and focus on building beautiful memories, one day at a time!