The saying goes: better late than never; or it’s never too late! And even at a season of life where ‘all should be well’ I am thankful for the truth of these statements. After 30 years, I still seem surprised that God is so wise and leads so well. And I still sit in wonder that He is passionate about restoration; after all He is the Restorer.
For over 10 years, I have been haunted that someone suggested that I had a co-dependant relationship with my children. How dare they speak that over our family? Didn’t they know how hard I had fought hard to do everything right, to raise my children to know God and be a GREAT mom. But for over 10 years this ‘thing’ loomed over my relationship with one of my children in particular. I had a sense that in an effort NOT to be co-dependant, my child put up walls, and every time I would try to pound down those walls they would get higher and thicker (yes control and manipulation are a symptom of the disease called co-dependency) . During this time we still loved each other and we both fought for our relationship in the way we knew best. However there was always this ‘unspoken’ wall between us.
This child is grown and has lived out of the home for years, and we still love and even like each other. There is a mutual admiration that we each carry for one another and truthfully speak nothing but the highest of regards toward one another. No one would ever suspect this ‘thing’ in our relationship…but this ‘elephant in the room’ has gotten so big in my heart over the years that finally I broke the silence and asked for a meeting. This was with great fear and trembling: would I defend myself, listen to her view and apologize or again react in a way that said ‘if you love me you will agree with me’. I did not have a ‘plan of action’ for our time together; I just knew we had to talk.
How many of us are walking around with unspoken issues between our children and ourselves? How do we handle them?
- Commit to prayer
So I began to pray, and wouldn’t you know it, someone gave me some teaching tapes on co-dependency. For a 24-hour road trip, I listened to these tapes that unpacked the ‘disease’ of co-dependency and I wept and wept. As I listened, I looked back over the years of raising my children. In the Light of His Love I saw where I had missed the mark and operated as a parent out of my own needs (I even say ‘I need you to do this or that’) My language and behaviors shouted ‘co-dependant’, and although as my children got older, God did a deep work in areas of my life, the pain I caused especially my oldest children was evident.
- Trust the leadership of Holy Spirit
“Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God”
Exercise your FAITH and act on what you hear Him say.
So, as I met with my now grown child and shared the sorrow of my soul and acknowledged the pain I had caused, the wall melted. As I sat humbly sharing my grief over what had been lost as a result of my pride we began to develop a hope for the future. True repentance (not just being sorry but realizing where I missed the mark and acknowledging it before God and my child and TURNING away into Him)
So Single Mom, take heart. In the kingdom of God, which is where we live if we have accepted Christ as Lord IT IS NEVER TOO LATE. He has a longing to bring RESTORATION.
Ask God what areas of relationship with your children might need restored. Then begin to ask Him HOW. Let Him show off as RESTORER in your family and relationship.
Misty Honnold is the founder of The Single Mom KC. A single mother of four, her greatest life work has been loving and leading her family well. Misty is sought out for discipleship, advice, and inspiration regarding single parents. She founded Mountain of Myrrh in 2009 to professionally assist single mothers and their surrounding communities. Since that time, she has traveled domestically and internationally to train, teach, and equip churches and communities to love and aide single mothers. She has been featured in Overwhelmed: The Single Moms Magazine and hosts Mocha Moments for Single Moms. She is a member and writer for 1 Corinthians Parenting and has also hosted KLOVE Radio’s Single Parents events with over 600 single moms. For more info, visit thesinglemomkc.org.
The Life of a Single Mom is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, we have worked with more than 1,500 churches & community groups to start or improve a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond. We have a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, and online instructional videos to support ministry leaders who lead single moms. Our single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through a number of projects including: Single Mom University, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, and a variety of programs throughout the U.S. For more information, visit www.thelifeofasinglemom.com