With recent events, I have seen a slew of helpful resources for parents of young children who have transitioned to working from home and how to adjust. However, parents of young adults, especially those 18 – 22, are overlooked even though we have a unique set of challenges.
Having to navigate through this pandemic with a young adult proves difficult because they are still our children, but old enough to make their own decisions.
I like to call our young adults, “Chidults”.
“Chidults” or young adults are still greatly influenced by their friends and are often thrilled with their newly found freedom of making decisions for themselves. Let’s be honest…those decisions are normally influenced by their friends, which may or may not be a disaster in times like these.
As a parent, what do you tell the Senior in high school whose prom has been cancelled? What about the child who has waited all their life to turn 21 who now has to stay at home and can’t go out to celebrate their new “legal” status? What do you tell college seniors whose graduation has been cancelled. AND on top of all of that, the beginning of their full-blown independence as an adult has been put on hold because the current state of employment has made it practically impossible to find a job? What do you tell the child whose wedding had to be cancelled?
We can’t tell them that we can relate to them, because we likely haven’t been through anything like this. This is unprecedented in our generation. However, we can still use wisdom to get through it.
For additional parenting advice, check out Kids and the Single Mom HERE.
1. Pray:
Before you talk to your “chidult”, pray and ask God to give you a spirit of understanding because there’s a possibility that what you are about to hear from your young-adult child may not be completely logical – or at least to you. Keep in mind that their world may look a little different than yours. They have their own concerns and issues that they are battling that may not align with your concerns. Remember when you were that age? Put yourself in their shoes, and pray for the ability to see their point of view without bias. This will help you keep calm and really try to gain understanding without getting upset (well it worked for me).
2. Listen to Your “Chidult”:
…and I don’t mean let them talk and you are quiet long enough to form your rebuttal. Really LISTEN to them. These are crazy times for them and to an age group where friends are still a huge influence, they may be hurting and suffering from long time goals and dreams that seem unreachable now (i.e. graduation) and/or FOMO: the Fear Of Missing Out (birthdays, etc.) or being robbed of the last opportunity to say an in-person goodbye to friends they may never see again.
3. Validate Their Concerns:
Do not devalue their opinions. Reassure them that you do understand where they are coming from. Explain that you understand what it is like to miss out on such an important event. This may be a good time to share with them something that you had to sacrifice because it was the right thing to do even when it was difficult.
4. Be Empathetic:
To us, as parents who have been around the block a few times, we think their logic is flawed…but be empathetic to that. It may very well be flawed, but be open minded, because they may actually have a valid point. Let’s face it, did we have it all figured out at 18 or 22? No, but did we think we did? More than likely yes. As my daughter spoke, it took everything in me to keep me from looking at her like she was nuts..and to keep me from not actually blurting out, “Are you nuts????!!!!” Just take a deep breath, mama, say a quick prayer and ask the Lord to give you the right words that your child needs to hear in that moment.
5. Paint The Bigger Picture:
After hearing them out, fill in the gaps in their understanding. Remind them that we can choose our decisions, but we can’t choose the consequences of those decisions. Remind them that this situation is just temporary and this too will pass. Most importantly, use this as an opportunity for them to develop critical thinking skills. Ask them questions on how they would solve possible challenges such as:
- What if you are asymptomatic, and choose to hang out with your friends? Then, you find out later that you tested positive for the virus and someone in your group gets ill. Can you live with the consequences of that?
- What if your friend is asymptomatic and you get ill. Are you willing to put your family at risk?
- If you fall ill, how/where will you seek medical attention? Are you ready to be in isolation and when you recover, how will you handle the hospital bills?
6. Offer a Solution:
After hearing their concerns, offer viable solutions. Brainstorm ideas with them (especially if they are sheltering at home with you) to relieve those feelings of isolation. Offer to help pay for a plane ticket to go see their closest friend when things settle down. Suggest that the birthday celebration doesn’t have to be cancelled, but can be postponed until later. Whatever it is, reinforce safety, but offer them an alternative.
7. Encourage Them to Pray:
Suggest that they take their concerns and disappointments honestly before the Lord. Encourage them to have a heart to heart conversation with Him regarding the situation and ask for wisdom and guidance about how to handle the situation.
8. Trust That They Will Make The Right Decision.
All we can do is give them the best advice we can and then be supportive of them regardless of their decision.
Proverbs 22:6 reminds us to “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
For more inspiration, check out our single mom articles HERE!
Nicole Smith is a Panamanian-American, single mother, dancer, published author, workforce development manager and motivational speaker. After graduating, she founded her own non-profit dance organization. Her experience in Sports and Entertainment, Radio, TV and the Performing Arts has spanned nearly 20 years. She has danced and cheered for four Professional and Semi-Professional sports teams, and her heart’s desire is to provide others with tools to overcome life’s challenges while pursuing their dreams. She is the founder of Game Day Prep 365 designed to aid people along their journey to seeing their dreams come to fruition. Connect at www.nicoleRsmith.net.
The Life of a Single Mom is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, the organization has worked with hundreds of churches to start a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond, as well as having served hundreds of thousands of single mothers with a variety of programs. Offering a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, online instructional videos, podcasts, newsletters, life skills education, and more, TLSM is one of the largest single mom organizations in the U.S. The robust selection of single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through Single Mom University, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, boot camps, and a variety of other programs. For more information, visit www.thelifeofasinglemom.com.
Original Header Image Credit | Pressmaster. Image of Young African Girl. Digital Image. Shutterstock. Web. 07 May 2020.
