Once a Single Mom, Always a Single Mom by Nicole O’Dell

I was a single mom for several years and walked through various stages of my kids’ lives. I needed to be all things, at all times—and it seemed like there was always someone to disappoint either in my house or out of it. There’s a mentality many single moms adopt in order to power through those years, and I don’t think it ever leaves.  At least not on its own.

I want to offer a caution, single moms, that you keep your hearts soft through these years. Even as you’re raising kids or teenagers, and you’re proving on a daily basis that you can do it all by yourself, be careful not to close your heart to the help of others.

Looking for more ways to find peace? Check out Peace and the Single Mom here.

Let people in. Friends, co-workers, church folks—let them lend a hand when needed. Allow them to step in and give you a break, or even just give your kids a listening ear when they need someone other than Mom.

Partner with God. No matter what’s going on, you’re NOT alone. You don’t need to harden your heart on a lonely journey. Let Him carry your burdens as you keep your heart open to trusting Him and walking with Him on the journey. He is your partner and will join you in the task of parenting your kids.

Be open to sharing. Sometimes, the toughest of single moms can find it difficult to share their lives with a spouse one day. It’s hard to hand over the reins that you’ve clutched so tightly for so long. It’s hard to soften a heart that has put up walls against rejection or fear. Allow your heart to hope and stay soft toward the possibility of God sending a partner.

I’ve since married and have had three more kids, triplets actually.  Marriage doesn’t magically erase the problems that come along with human inadequacy, and sometimes it creates a whole new set of them. That I-can-do-it-all mentality, that spirit of “I don’t need you!” can permeate your heart if you allow it. So choose now to guard against it as you walk with Jesus and parent your kids, open to what God has for you in the future.

Nicole O’Dell, author of 21 books since 2007, founder of Choose NOW Ministries. Visit www.nicoleodell.com for access to her bustling blog network and other resources. 

 

The Life of a single Mom is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. Our primary focus is in helping churches and communities launch single mom’s ministries and have done so more than 1,500 times! Our support groups connect 72,000 single mothers each year to a local church.   We are a one-stop shop for all things single mom ministry related. For more information, visit http://www.thelifeofasinglemom.com.

2018-06-14T14:40:15+00:00March 12th, 2013|Help For Single Moms, Nicole O'Dell|5 Comments

5 Comments

  1. Faith March 25, 2013 at 2:43 pm - Reply

    I am a single mom of two amazing kids, we started a single mom’s ministry at our church about 8 months ago when we saw a need for it. It started out being something I never would have planned on , good and very helpful, but now our numbers are decreasing. I know I am not alone in what I am experiencing, but I am struggling…finding God quiet in my walk right now when I feel like I need Him most. Do you have anything to encourage me, I am lonely and am trying to keep it together with all I have been going through.

    Blessings,
    Faith Flores

    • Jennifer Maggio March 25, 2013 at 2:58 pm - Reply

      Faith, if you are looking for Ministry Encouragement, you will definitely want to click on our Ministry Resources Corner on our website at http://thelifeofasinglemom.com/?tag=ministry-leaders-corner. You will find specific articles about how to grow your ministry, how to sustain long-term, how to raise up volunteers, etc. Also, you want to check out the book, The Church and the Single Mom, as it will also detail some info for you on successful single moms ministry.

      If you are looking for personal single mom encouragement, you need to ck out, Overwhelmed: The Life of a Single Mom (available for purchase on our site, as well). You can also sign up for our free monthly newsletter and be sure to keep watch on our “Single Moms Solace” articles, also available on our site — meant for your encouragement.

      God bless!

  2. Anonymous March 26, 2013 at 3:06 am - Reply

    I cannot thank you enough for the blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Really Cool.

  3. Michelle April 3, 2013 at 4:30 pm - Reply

    Thank you for posting this. (Personally, I would have added a question mark at the end of the title for clarification. *smile*)

    Being a single mother who has experienced single motherhood both during her marriage and as a divorcee, I had struggled with those three points for some time. As God began to transform my mind, I became more open to receiving assistance and sharing those responsibilities with others who offered willingly, but never really asked when I needed it. I have come to realize that sometimes you have to reach out and ask as well because you might appear as if you don’t need any help in general. So I’d like to encourage those of you who have difficulties reaching out and asking for help (for whatever reason), to take a step out in faith and ask. You might be surprised to find out how many have been wanting to bless you with their assistance. *smile*

    There is one issue, though, that I have come across with regards to single motherhood that I’d like to address. There are many chores/tasks that are typically performed by the “man of the house” that sometimes single mothers need assistance with or a break from. I understand that the men at church should be the ones offering assistance; but, I’ve noticed that when the single mother is a young adult, there is a “shortage” of offers and even willingness for assistance. I understand the many reasons behind why some men may hesitate in offering assistance. Fortunately, I have a single neighbor who offers assistance. My question, though, is this: What is a young single mother to do if she has no family, no church men willing to offer help, and doesn’t want to give the enemy the slightest opening to “steal, kill, and destroy” another’s marriage? With rising statistics for divorces, teen mothers, and children born out of wedlock (often leading to single motherhood), I think this needs to be brought to the attention of many churches. I realize that young adult single mothers have the option to remarry and teen mothers have the option to marry; but, is society really expecting us to marry the first guy who proposes or to “jump right back in” with anyone just to have that need met? Moreover, what about the single mothers who decide to remain single? *smile* Of course, this issue can be transposed to ask what is a young single father to do with regards to tasks/chores commonly performed by the “woman of the house?”

    Any thoughts?
    God Bless!

  4. Barbara July 2, 2013 at 12:19 pm - Reply

    I have been a single parent for 24 years now. I’ve spent countless days feeling ashamed looked down on and judged. I’ve let people in only to later realize they shouldn’t of been there to begin with. Struggle is my best friend. BUT I’m blessed beyond measure, I have four beautiful children that love me no matter what, I have a home and food on the table. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

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