Money Lessons I Learned From My Single Mom by Katie Gibbons

Here are the 5 lessons I still carry today, taught to me by my amazing single mom:

1. Having a Money Plan Reduces Stress

My mom is the most organized person I’ve ever known.  Her home is minimal, and everything is always in its proper place.  When I was growing up, I could sense that our clutter-free home was the result of my mom’s strong desire to reduce stress.

In addition to living with less clutter in our home, she kept her finances super organized as well. Her financial documents were neatly filed, her checkbook balanced to the penny, and there was a designated spot for bills. A few days before the beginning of each month, she would take out her little notepad and would begin to write down her simple, yet effective budget.  There were no fancy spreadsheets or apps; it was 1994 and we didn’t even have dial up yet!

She would write down her net income and all her expenses.  She would prioritize what expenses needed to be paid with each paycheck, and she always made sure to take care of the needs first.  She balanced her checkbook, which almost no one does anymore, and she would call and check her balance in her account at least twice a week.

Ultimately, she paid attention to her money. It is easier to manage what you can see when it is right in front of you. By paying attention to your money and having a plan, money becomes less stressful.

2. It’s Necessary to Have Open Money Conversations With Your Kids

Being the eldest child, my mother shared with me her money plan each month.  She didn’t share every single day, but I had a general idea of how much was coming in and what our bills looked like on a monthly basis.

For many parents, discussing money with their children can seem daunting, particularly if they are struggling in this area of their life.  Often, parents don’t want to share openly about their finances with their children, because they are afraid that it will burden them.  It is true that children of single parents are usually forced to grow up too soon; but avoiding the topic of money altogether does not set them up for success in adulthood.

Having open conversations with your children about money allows you the unique opportunity to teach your money values.  When you talk to your kids about money, the topic seems to be a less scary concept for them.  Also, you make it more comfortable for them to ask questions and share worries about money with you.

3. Why You Should Eliminate the Monthly Payment Mindset

I don’t think anyone likes the word “BILLS.”  Yet, paying bills is just a fact a life, and it’s the part of adulting that most of us wish we didn’t have to do.  For my single mom, it was important that she not ever take on more than she could afford.

For anyone, and especially for those who are sole providers, having a “monthly payment mindset” can be risky, and it creates unnecessary money stress.  The goal is to live a life free of payments so that you can not only have peace of mind, but also build wealth.  When all your money goes to paying bills, you often feel like you have nothing to show for all of your hard work, and it feels like you are never able to truly enjoy your money.

My mom taught me that having a car that is paid for, (even though it might not be brand new), reducing the need to swipe a credit card, and not giving into spending impulses will eliminate the notion that you are just working to pay bills.

When you don’t have payments, you have more freedom to save, take your children on a vacation, and even spoil yourself when the time is right.

4. Why Spending Well Matters

Spending money shouldn’t make you feel guilty.  However, the overspending part can leave you with feelings of inadequacy, regret, and shame.  Spending well, according to my mom, meant to distinctly identify needs versus wants. It’s the ability to prioritize what must be purchased now and what can wait.

When I was a child in the 80’s I remember my mother putting our Christmas presents on lay-a-way.  Do you remember that?  It’s the idea that you would select your items now, pay a little over time, and receive those items upon completion of full payment.  Today, if you want something, you can point, click, and swipe, and it can be at your door on the same day.  And, if you have a credit card, you can spend money like you have it in the bank.  Spending has become so easy and mindless.  There is no wonder why it’s so difficult to spend well.

Learning how to make wise spending choices is what can save you from living with the paycheck-to-paycheck burden.  This takes lots of practice and it forces us to go against what society and marketing tells us, which is, “you need this now!”

5. Money is Not the Source of Happiness

Even though my mom didn’t make a lot of money, I was loved, fed, and well cared for.  She vowed to live within her means and still managed to give us some of the best experiences and memories of my life.  She didn’t need to show love with material things.  Instead, she delighted in the simple pleasures of life and sharing quality time with my brother and me was what she valued most.

Instead of chasing big promotions and paychecks, she opted to have a flexible work schedule and choose an environment that allowed her to work hours that matched up with our school schedule.  She found experiences for us that didn’t cost a lot of money, and she cultivated a network of friends who loved us and provided a community in which we could grow and thrive.

The Bottom Line

The world will shine a light on single motherhood as something that automatically suggests lack and financial insecurity.  Growing up with a single mom, I learned that money will never be the source of happiness and that in order to have true abundance, we must rise beyond material possessions and use all the gifts that God gives us to love our children well.  Money is intended to be a tool to do good in our world, not to be a source of pain and stress.

There is no doubt that my single mom made a ton of financial sacrifices, but she gave my brother and I some of the best years of her life and created memories that will last a lifetime - something that no amount of money could ever buy.  Love you Mom!