When I escaped my trafficker, I headed home to my little hometown in Southern Oregon to raise my daughter and start a new life. It was scary and overwhelming, but I did it. Over the years that followed, Grants Pass, Oregon became my “safe bubble.” I wasn’t perfect, but I worked hard, started a non-profit, and created a network of solid friends, all within my comfort zone of the Rogue Valley. It was home. It was safe. It was where I belonged – for a season.
In 2020 my husband and I felt the call to move to Texas. I knew it was a risk, especially in the midst of a pandemic, but I also knew it could be the very place where the dreams we prayed for as a family came to life. Should I leave my bubble and uproot our family 2000 miles away? What if I failed? What if we lost everything? I tried to not allow old fears to resurface, but there were days I would cry from the uncertainty of the little details that come with big decisions and fresh starts.
As a single mom, you face mountains of uncertainty every day. From financial concerns to parenting, and even dating, it’s easy to see why always choosing security and certainty can become a default setting. But are there times when you should risk a change? How can any of us know when to choose risk over comfort?
I don’t think there’s a “one size fits all” solution to making big decisions, but I have found some things that help me focus my energy and navigate my decision making. Here are some of my favorites:
- You don’t have to have it all figured out to move forward. The truth is you can’t make a plan for every obstacle you might encounter. Make the best decision you can with the information you have, and trust yourself and your instincts to navigate as you move forward. Listen friend, as a single mom you do hard things all the time. Embracing a little change is completely possible if it’s what you really want.
- Don’t let fear be the loudest voice in the room. What is driving your decision? I’ve learned the hard way that I should never let fear be the deciding factor when I’m in the midst of a possible transition. Fear will likely be present (we’re all human!) when we’re in uncertain situations, but if we decide that fear never gets the final vote, we can focus our attention on what really matters.
- Give yourself permission to change your mind. What makes sense today might not make sense next year. Give yourself the freedom to change your opinions, your goals, and your focus. Sometimes one decision will put you on a path of new possibilities, so embrace whatever comes next and never put yourself in a box.
- It’s okay to want to be comfortable and safe. Sometimes you have to take stock of what’s happening (or what has happened) in your life, and choose rest over ambition. It’s okay to be still for a while and enjoy a little security. And then, when you’re ready, take some baby steps. Even little courageous decisions can lead to healthy change and new possibilities. Trust yourself to know when to jump.
You are not alone in this season of uncertainty. Making big decisions can be overwhelming. Join a single moms’ group, where you can grow, find new friends, and build community! You’ve got this, Mama. I’ll be here cheering you on!
XOXO,
Rebecca
Relentless in her mission to help others find their purpose, Rebecca Bender is CEO of the Rebecca Bender Initiative and founder of Elevate Academy, the largest online school for survivors of trafficking in the world. An award-winning thought leader, advocate, author, and consultant, she educates on many human trafficking-related topics and serves the U.S. National Advisory Council, state Dept of Justice Advisory Council, and advises a variety of nonprofits. Rebecca Bender, MACT Author, In Pursuit of Love, Roadmap to Redemption @ImRebeccaBender
The Life of a Single Mom is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, the organization has worked with hundreds of churches to start a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond, as well as having served hundreds of thousands of single mothers with a variety of programs. Offering a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, online instructional videos, podcasts, newsletters, life skills education, and more, TLSM is one of the largest single mom organizations in the U.S. The robust selection of single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through Single Mom University, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, boot camps, and a variety of other programs. For more information, visit www.thelifeofasinglemom.com.
