Lose the Mom Guilt & Take Care of Yourself
“Here we go, again!” I thought, as I rolled my eyes and glared at the large pile of clothes hanging on my arm. A million thoughts ran through my mind, as I headed inside the small dressing room. Is this even going to fit? So, what if it does? You’re not going to buy it. The kids will probably need shoes soon. Shouldn’t I spend this money on extra groceries? Won’t Christmas be coming along before I know it? Why do I feel so incredibly guilty spending any money on myself?
Have you been there?! Mom guilt is real! Guilt about buying the occasional new pair of jeans. Guilt about having a dinner out with friends. Guilt about working too many hours. Guilt about parenting techniques and whether you messed it all up! Guilt about taking the necessary time to exercise. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Moms tend to be so hard on ourselves, don’t we? We often look left and right at the things other moms are doing and think that we must not be doing it right. We secretly wonder how “she” has it all together. If we aren’t careful, we can carry guilt about everything! And it seems even worse, as single moms. Single moms have often had a marriage or relationship that failed (with some exceptions, of course). We wonder if we made the right decision to leave, even if it was a terrible, dangerous, situation. We replay why he left us or what we could’ve done better. We carry guilt that our children won’t have their father living in the home. It can become immobilizing, which is exactly what Satan wants. He wants us defeated, deflated, and immobilized. It’s even worse, when we know we’ve made some mistakes along the way. (And who hasn’t, by the way?)
It’s in the wallowing of guilt and shame that we often lose ourselves and who God created us to be. We lose the joy we once had. We replay the what-if’s of life and often feel we don’t measure up. We fear we don’t measure up as a mom, an employee, a friend, a sister, or even a Christian. We could never treat or pamper ourselves. Self-care day? Absolutely not! We don’t deserve one. That would cost too much time…too much money. “My kids need me”, we may say. Guilt is a gut-wrenching, downward spiral. We must not allow it. The Bibles says in Romans 8:1, “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” We are free, redeemed, new, creations in Christ Jesus. Sure, we’ve made some mistakes. It’s likely you’ve made many mistakes. But, as Christians, we are promised new grace and new mercy every morning. Single moms, acknowledge you aren’t perfect. Apologize to those you’ve hurt. Ask God for forgiveness, when you have failed. And then, lose the guilt! There’s no guilt, no shame, no condemnation.
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And as we lay down the guilt, we must ask ourselves and important question, Who am I? We are daughters of the King of Kings. Called. Chosen. Beloved. Set apart. As such, we must take care of ourselves – our body, soul, mind, and spirit. We know that we have to take care of ourselves in order to be the best mothers we can to our children, the best employees & friends & neighbors & warriors for the King.
What are the areas where we need to begin to take care of ourselves? Here are a few areas that you need to explore:
- Physical – Physical needs are the clothes, shelter, food, etc. These are the things we need for survival. Without them, we will die. Most of us do a pretty good job taking care of our physical survival needs. But we must also get to moving. Our bodies require a minimum of 3 times per week in exercise and activity. Get out and move. Go for a walk with friends, the kids, the dog. Do some jumping jacks and stretching in your bedroom, when you wake in the mornings. It doesn’t have to be hard. it doesn’t have to be expensive. It does have to be a commitment and a decision. You are worth more. Walking, playing with your kids outside, joining a fitness group, or any other way you can get your body in motion is beneficial to your entire family. You’re the best mom, when you are healthy.
- Nutrition – God created food to fuel our bodies for the services that He requires. When God gave Adam the vegetation and animals to take care of, after sin, it required a lot of manual labor. Most jobs require some sort of physical work. We have to take care of our bodies, so that we can continue to support our children and, more than that, continue to share what God has done for us.
- Finances – Take care of your finances. Yes, as a single mom, it’s likely that finances have run a muck at one time or another. There is sometimes more month than money, more debt that dollars. However, it’s important to address your financial health, as it is in direct correlation to your overall health. Money will depress and overwhelm you. It will stress you and impact your mental health and even parenting. Consider taking the time to attend online coursework or financial education classes through a local church. There are so many resources out there now, so no excuses. Move the needle forward with your finances.
- Spiritual – Taking time to spend with our Heavenly Father is a top priority! If that relationship is tarnished, it is hard to be the best you for your kids, job, family, friends, or anything else, for that matter. Set aside time to hear from God, meditate on His word, and just rest in quiet, even if only for a few minutes. It brings peace that surpasses all understanding. Time with Him doesn’t erase our problems, but better equips us to know how to take care of the problems.
- Emotional – Care for your mental health. Don’t ignore the problems. In 2 Timothy 1:7 Paul says that God gives us a spirit of power, love and a sound mind. If anything comes to your mind that doesn’t provide power, love, and a sound mind, then it isn’t from God. Mental health can be hard. Years of trauma, abuse, disappointment, and guilt can have lasting effects. But there is hope. God has give us freedom and victory over all things. There is nothing too hard for him. Maintaining mental health for some may look like secluding yourself with some music and a cup of coffee. To others, it is a good book and quiet. For still others, it is a movie with friends or being surrounded by people and laughing until it hurts. Each of us is unique and our ways of taking care of our minds look completely different. Talking to a friend may do wonders for some of us while sitting quietly journaling our thoughts may mean more to someone else. Even drawing or painting can help ease the mind of some of us moms.
But the anointing which you have received from Him abides in you, and you do not need that anyone teach you; but as the same anointing teaches you concerning all things, and is true, and is not a lie, and just as it has taught you, you will abide in Him. 1 John 2:27
To be the best you that you can possibly be, you have to let go of the mom shame and the mom guilt that comes so easy for us single moms. You have to let God be the ultimate Father and Healer that He is and learn to place all of those burdens in the hands of the One who created you and knows you so much better than you know yourself. Don’t you think He knows exactly how to mend the broken pieces?
You are a good mom. Let God carry you. His yoke is easy and burden is light….
