It was almost midnight when my husband woke me.
“He knows,” the conversation began.
As I attempted to shake the grogginess from my sleep, the ugly truth began to come into clear view. My husband of over 15 years was having an affair with a woman in our church. Suddenly, my perfect life as a pastor’s wife came crumbling down around me.
Where do you start when you learn of your husband’s infidelity? What do you do when your life is swept away by the storms of this life? How do you move forward when you feel as if you have no reason to live?
Breathe. Your first step is to simply breathe. I know how the truth rips the very breath from your lungs, but breathing deeply before you say or do anything will help clear your brain and give you some clarity.
“I’m trapped,” was my very first thought. I had no choice but to stay because there was no way I could support my three children alone. As I began to breathe deeply, I began to see the truth. The God I had known since childhood was able. It wouldn’t be a quick healing, but I had to be ready for the long haul. The faith I had claimed since childhood would soon be tested and tried. Through it all, He was faithful above and beyond anything I could imagine.
Grace. We often hear of God’s grace, but sometimes we don’t fully understand it until we are thrust into the depths of grief and devastation. God’s grace is sufficient in all circumstances (2 Corinthians 12:9)! When we find our lives crumbling, we are in the perfect position to receive God’s favor and grace.
Here’s the other thing we have to remember: we will make mistakes, and we have to give ourselves grace. I had a conversation with my daughter one day about the dreams I had for my kids’ childhoods. So many of those dreams crashed with my divorce, and I didn’t get to be the stay-at-home Pinterest mom I had always dreamed of.
“Mom,” she began, “I think it all turned out pretty great just the way it was.”
Your kids won’t miss the dreams you had for motherhood; they will remember the mom who loved unconditionally, sacrificed extravagantly, and was present even when she didn’t have the emotional strength to keep going. Give yourself grace as you walk this journey.
Surrender. When my life crumbled, I was so angry with God! How could He allow this devastation when I had committed my entire life to serving Him? I wasn’t sure I wanted to follow Him any more.
One day, I found myself on my knees in my bathroom crying out to God.
“Lord, I don’t want this journey, but if this is what you have for me I will take it. Just don’t let my pain be in vain!”
That moment of surrender changed my entire mentality, the entire direction of my life. It was that moment when I sensed God begin picking up the pieces of my life and putting me back together again (1 Peter 5:10). It was the beginning of a beautiful journey I wouldn’t trade for anything!
Forgive. Oh, I know how hard it is! I’ll never forget the day God called me to extend forgiveness to the other woman, a woman I had known as my friend. I fought against Him, but when I chose obedience, He did an amazing work in me. I literally felt the freedom and joy return to my life as I walked away from that encounter!
Forgiving my husband was a different journey, one that took years of prayer and surrender to the Savior. In the end, I’m so thankful I chose forgiveness. My life is free of anger and resentment. I am able to enjoy my children and freely talk with them about their dad and his family. I was set free by choosing forgiveness!
I wish I could tell you your marriage will be restored and you will be stronger together. God does make that happen, but it wasn’t my story. What I can tell you is that there is an absolute beauty that God brings from the brokenness when we choose to surrender our pain and our lives to Him! I am a living example, and I want you to be one, too!
The life of a single mom podcast
The Wound of Divorce & How to Heal
MEET THE AUTHOR
Dena Johnson watched as her perfect life as a pastor’s wife crumble, as she suddenly found herself raising three young children on her own. As she struggled to navigate the tumultuous waters of single parenthood, she discovered a deeper faith and an intimacy with the Savior. She has found purpose in her pain as she uses her experiences to help others find beauty in a broken life. Dena is now the founder of Dena Johnson Ministries and has a heart to help single moms through coaching, writing, and speaking.
Connect with Dena on her website at denajohnson.com.
WHO WE ARE
The Life of a Single Mom is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, the organization has worked with hundreds of churches to start a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond, as well as having served hundreds of thousands of single mothers with a variety of programs. Offering a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, online instructional videos, podcasts, newsletters, life skills education, and more, TLSM is one of the largest single mom organizations in the U.S. The robust selection of single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through Single Mom University, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, boot camps, and a variety of other programs. For more information, visit thelifeofasinglemom.com.
