We are asked often about how on earth to find a good, Christian man ? Are they all gone? Are there any good, Christian men left? Is it possible to find a godly man in today’s age? If we aren’t careful, we can have untrue thoughts, because of our hurt, trauma, and pasts. Those thoughts can include:
”No good man would ever want me with all the mistakes I have made.” “What man would want a ready-made family?”
We can even convince ourselves that we would never find a good Christian man that would want us with our ready-made families and less-than-perfect pasts. But that is not true! God knows the desire of our hearts and for the vast majority of you reading this, you will one day find the right man. There are some questions to consider first:
Start by asking yourself, “Do I want a godly man or do I just want a man?” The answer to this question is critical in determining whether or not you are even healthy enough to move into a dating relationship. You have to be willing to wait on a godly man and forego all the others who may present themselves before. God wants His best for you!
Can I CHANGE him into a Christian? This is an important question, also. Many women we work with convince themselves that it is okay to date a nonChristian man, because their witness will one day lead him to the Lord. That is rare. Very rare. It is far more likely that his influence will cause you to stumble into ungodly territory. Don’t make excuses. You have not been “called” to lead him to Christ, so that he can one day be your husband. So, if you are dating or considering dating a nonChristian, just don’t. Yes, he is loved by God. And yes, his soul is important. So point him to a local church or godly mentor and keep moving. Trust us! We’re saving you some heartache.
Once you have gotten those two questions out of the way, here’s what you need to know to find a godly man:
- Be a godly woman. Your future Christian husband is not looking for his wife at the local bar, falling down drunk, with her boobs hanging out. Forgive the candor here, but we love you enough to tell you the truth. Start thinking about what it is that you want in a man and start portraying it in your own life. Where in the Bible does it give instruction on being a godly woman? Proverbs 31. Be the woman who is seeking God’s kingdom above all else. Be the woman who prays without ceasing, works hard to provide for her children, and parents those kiddos well. Be the woman who attends church regularly, avoids ungodly talk or behavior, and suffers nothing to laziness. In other words, love God first and seek his heart for your life, so that you are ready, when that godly man comes along.
– Proverbs 31:11 – “Her husband can trust her and she will greatly enrich his life.” Enrich means “to add to”. You cannot add to a man’s life when you are looking to take from him. You cannot be on the hunt for a man to father your kids, to pay your bills, or to complete you.
– Proverbs 31:25 “She is clothed with strength and dignity….When she speaks her words are wise.” How does a woman with strength and dignity carry herself? (no short skirts, no boobs out) If you are in the middle of Walmart cussing your child, are you using wise words? Does that attract a man?
- Be wise. Be familiar with God’s word. The more entrenched you are in the word of God, the easier you can hear his voice. When Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome comes along, you’ll be able to clearly hear whether or not this is the guy for you and won’t be sidetracked by the distractions of the enemy.
Proverbs 24:3 “A house is built by wisdom and becomes strong through good sense.”
Proverbs 24:12 “Don’t excuse yourself by saying, ‘Look, we didn’t know.’ For God understands all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows what you knew. He will repay all people as their actions deserve.” DO NOT SAY YOU DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS WRONG TO HAVE SEX WITH THIS MAN OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE OR WRONG TO CUSS OR WRONG TO DRESS INAPPROPRIATELY. DO NOT SAY, “I DIDN’T KNOW” WHEN YOUR MAN SLEEPS AROUND, SELLS DRUGS, OR ISN’T GODLY. DO NOT COMPROMISE.
- Don’t be in a hurry. Be patient. God’s best will be far better than you can think or imagine. He knew you before you were even born and he knows the best man for you. He has orchestrated a divine encounter with your future husband at the perfect time. Don’t rush it. Work on you, while you wait on him.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under the sun.”
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
The Life of a Single Mom is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, we have worked with more than 1,500 churches & community groups to start or improve a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond. We have a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, and online instructional videos to support ministry leaders who lead single moms. Our single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through a number of projects including: Single Mom University, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, and a variety of programs throughout the U.S. For more information, visit www.thelifeofasinglemom.com