How to Cast a New Family Vision by Lisa Appelo

Dear Single Mom, this is not the “in-between.” These are important years where, more than ever, you need a direction, purpose, and vision for your family.

When my husband passed away suddenly, I was thrust into a whole new world of single parenting seven children. It felt temporary, like the days my husband would go on a work trip. I was often reactive rather than proactive.

Single parenting shifted roles and expectations in our family. It changed how I parented as I became the good cop and bad, the one to rise early with the littles and stay up late with my teens. It created an obvious gap in everything from decision-making to where we sat at the table — even whether to eat at the table. The life we’d had was shattered, and the future I’d counted on was gone.

That’s exactly why I needed to cast a new family vision.

What is a family vision statement?  

A family vision statement sets out the values, principles, goals, and purposes for your family. It includes you and your children, individually and together. It’s unique to your family and helps define your family.

The vision for your family may not look that different than the one you had while married. Or you may, for the first time, intentionally think through what you want your family to look like.

Writing your family vision statement

Creating a family vision statement requires thinking through the priorities and purposes of your family. You may already have done some of this intuitively, even if you never wrote it down. But writing it down helps us flesh it out. It helps us measure where we are and where we need to be. It helps us look past the urgent to consider the long-term. And it helps us find our family identity again, to make these years count, and to be proactive rather than reactive in our parenting.

These 5 questions can help you develop your family vision statement.

For additional parenting advice, check out Kids and the Single Mom HERE.

1. What priorities do you have for your family? Knowing your family’s priorities helps you consider how you spend your time and what activities your children are in. It’s easy to overcommit or worry you’re missing out. Instead, sift opportunities through your family priorities to clarify whether they’re a good fit.
2. What values are most important for your family? If it’s hard work, you may encourage outside jobs for your children. If it’s serving others, you may look for ministry opportunities at church or in your community. You probably know what values you want for your family but are they reflected in your family activities? Other examples of family values are knowing and loving God, developing personal passions, academic focus, self-initiative, generosity, and family loyalty.
   
   
3. What kind of home environment do you want? You might want a home that inspires creativity, one that encourages planning and organization, or one that’s always open to friends and guests. We may not have chosen single parenting, but we can choose the environment in our homes.
   
   
4. What character do you want shaped in your children? This somewhat overlaps with the values of your family but answering this will help as you disciple and discipline your kids. Helping our kids develop character takes enormous time and focused attention. It needs our energy and priority. Writing it into your family vision will help you stop to implement it in the everyday.
   
   
5. How does your family fit into the community, your church, the world? Think beyond your own family to envision how you and your children can contribute to those around you. Are you passionate about helping orphans, helping with sports leagues, or serving at church? Are you carving out time to serve together or helping your children find places to serve?

Implementing your family vision statement

As you work through these questions, and maybe some of your own, write down your answers and date them. It’s a stake in the ground of where your family is and what you’re asking God to do in your family. Take inventory of what changes you need to make to align with your vision and then pray and ask God to help you parent with a vision.

You may want to share it with your children if they’re old enough or simply use it as your own guide. And make an appointment to revisit your vision statement every year or so to make adjustments and renew your commitment.

Your single parenting days are not wasted time. They aren’t in-between days. They are valuable days to parent your children with powerful purpose.

Lisa Appelo is a speaker, writer, and Bible teacher who inspires women to deepen their faith in grief and find hope in the hard. Eight years ago, Lisa became a sudden widow and single mom to 7. She’s passionate about rich Bible study and teaches a weekly ladies Bible class. She’s a speaker with She Found Joy and has been published at Proverbs 31 Ministries, (in)courage, Risen Motherhood, Jennifer Rothschild, and more.  Connect with Lisa on Instagram @lisaappelo. 

The Life of a Single Mom is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, the organization has worked with hundreds of churches to start a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond, as well as having served hundreds of thousands of single mothers with a variety of programs.  Offering a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, online instructional videos, podcasts, newsletters, life skills education, and more, TLSM is one of the largest single mom organizations in the U.S.  The robust selection of single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through Single Mom University, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, boot camps, and a variety of other programs. For more information,  visit  www.thelifeofasinglemom.com.