Helping Your Child Heal by Arlene Pellicane

The children are also hurting.  The most common emotions are fear, anger, and anxiety.  Movies, television, video games, and virtual worlds rarely bring healing in these areas.  It’s more likely that excessive or inappropriate screen time will magnify these negative emotions.  Some children can move through these stages of grieving more quickly if significant adults in their lives seek to openly communicate with them about their losses.  They need someone to talk with and cry with.

Unfortunately, screen time prevents this deep communication from happening and can delay a child’s healing process because they never take the time to grieve.  Digital distractions delay the pain, and years later, those feelings of fear, anger, and anxiety frequently surface.  Listening more, talking less, helping your child face reality, acknowledging hurt, empathizing with pain—all are part of the healing process.  But these things cannot happen via text or instant messaging.

If you are aware of your child’s primary love language, your efforts at meeting his or her emotional needs will be more effective.  For instance, a boy named Robbie’s love language was physical touch.  His father left when he was nine years old.  Looking back, Robbie said,

“If it had not been for my granddaddy, I’m not sure I would have made it. The first time I saw him after my father left, he took me in his arms and held me for a long time. He didn’t say anything, but I knew he loved me and would always be there for me. Every time he came to see me, he hugged me, and when he left, he did the same thing. I don’t know if he knew how much the hugs meant to me, but they were like rain in the desert for me. My mom helped a lot by letting me talk and by asking me questions and encouraging me to share my pain. I knew she loved me, but in the early stages, I wasn’t willing to receive her love.  She would try to hug me and I’d push her away. I think I blamed her for my father leaving. It wasn’t until I found out that he left for another woman that I realized how I had misjudged her. Then I started receiving her hugs and we became close again.”

Learning to fill your child’s love tank while your own is running low may seem difficult.  But, like Robbie’s mother, the wise parent will come to understand what her child uniquely needs—and seek to meet that need.  If you’ve ever flown in an airplane, you’ve heard the flight attendant instruct you to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting your child with their oxygen mask in case of emergency.  Don’t discount your own emotional need for love, because it is just as real as your child’s need.  Because that need can no longer be met by a former spouse or by a child, you must learn to turn to the One who can fulfill all your needs: our Heavenly Father (Philippians 4:19).  As you allow Him to fill up your love tank, you will have more of a reserve to draw from as you pour out love every day to your child.