“But, I still love my husband,” Anna whispered after her husband had returned to his drug addiction. Anyone who’s married to an addict knows the real fear of this looming threat.
Mike, had spent many years drug free. He had a good job and came home every night. But when life got stressful, Mike fell into his old habits. With Mike’s fall came angry outbursts toward Anna and their two teenaged kids. After Mike went through their savings, spent countless nights away from home, and began inflicting emotional abuse upon his family, Anna had no choice but to file a restraining order.
It had been over a year and Anna’s children seemed to be coping, but she knew they were confused and deeply wounded. Mike regularly blamed Anna for his addiction. When Anna and her children began to believe Mike’s manipulative blame shift - she knew they needed help. But where would she turn?
In the past, Mike’s history of drug use made him feel like he couldn’t connect with “church people.” So, they’d declined most opportunities to develop relationships with Christian couples. As a result, Anna had no real relationships at church. But she knew she needed friends, her kids needed friends. So Anna mustered up the courage to reach out to an older godly woman to whom she poured out her anguish, fears and shameful confession that she still loved Mike.
The older mentor gathered Anna in her arms while offering words of love and support. When Anna finally opened up she began to get the help she needed to process her pain, minister to her children, and learn to live well as a single mom.
Single momma, is Anna’s story is close to home?
Sadly, her story is more common than we care to admit. But you are not alone in your plight. There are thousands of Anna's who have walked the road ahead of you. And those women are raising well-adjusted children who have learned to love God and to love others.
To help you on your journey, let’s take a moment to unpack.
FORGIVE HIM.
I didn’t say, “Let your ex move back into your lives.” Forgiveness does not demand that you continue to expose yourself and your children to an addict’s destructive influence. But forgiveness is the key to breaking free from a life overshadowed by resentment.
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH CHRISTIAN FRIENDS.
Don’t do life alone. In God’s family, He provides a way for you to get the help and support you need. Your children need to observe Christian marriages that honor Christ. They need to see how knowing Jesus really does make a difference in a person’s life and relationships.
KNOW GOD'S WORD.
Reading the Bible, studying scripture with other Christian women, and memorizing the Word will equip you to follow Christ in a way that will draw your children to Jesus. Jesus said, “Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.” (Matthew 4:4) God’s Word is your lifeblood. It is the sword against Satan’s schemes (Ephesians 6:11). And it will light your path. (Psalm 119:105).
PRAY LIKE YOU'VE NEVER PRAYED BEFORE.
I know you’re worried about how your children will grow up with a father who is an addict. But your worry won’t change things. Your prayers will. God promises to be a Father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). And your prayers align with His will to not only protect your children, but also to ask God to save them and raise them up in power and strength.
How you respond to this trial can validate your testimony to your kids. By your example you will show your children how to forgive their father, refuse to be resentful, fellowship with God’s people and to love Scripture, You cannot change your children’s past experiences but Jesus can change their future - let it begin with you. As Joseph told his brothers, “What you meant for evil, God used for good.” May this be the battle cry for you and your children too!
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Meet the Author
Rhonda Stoppe’s messages weave Christian comedy and transparent stories together with sound biblical doctrine. As an author of 6 books and popular speaker, for more than 30 years, Rhonda has helped women build no regrets lives. Rhonda is a pastor’s wife, mother, grandmother, mom coach and marriage mentor. Rhonda is a favorite podcast guest and has appeared numerous times on Focus on the Family, and Dr. James Dobsons’ FamilyTalk. Subscribe to Rhonda’s new podcast, Old Ladies Know Stuff. and visit her website NoRegretsWoman.com for more about Rhonda’s books and resources.
The Life of a Single Mom is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, the organization has worked with hundreds of churches to start a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond, as well as having served hundreds of thousands of single mothers with a variety of programs. Offering a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, online instructional videos, podcasts, newsletters, life skills education, and more, TLSM is one of the largest single mom organizations in the U.S. The robust selection of single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through Single Mom University, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, boot camps, and a variety of other programs. For more information, visit www.thelifeofasinglemom.com.
