Each one of my 4 children has moved out only to return home after a season away. I wanted to navigate their hearts and mine well during this tumultuous time of transition. For years, one of my prayers had been, “Lord, let them learn everything they need while they are still under the protective covering of this home.” I knew how cruel the world could be and wanted resilience to be built in my children so they would be able to bounce back from disappointment and failure.
When they ‘returned home’ I knew there must be things the Lord still had for them to mature in. Oftentimes they would get frustrated at the necessity to move back home, however, as we learned to give ourselves to the training and equipping of the Lord, when the time was right…off they flew into the future the Father had created for them.
How do we as parents navigate these times of launching our adult children well, especially if life circumstances have brought them BACK home for a season?
Perspective
We must keep a positive perspective and realize “God may not be finished”. Maybe there are areas of restoration in your relationship with your child, maybe there are areas of maturity they need to grow in. We have to maintain our trust in GOD and His plans for our children and guard our hearts from disappointment.
Set Boundaries…it’s your Home
It is HARD once they have been out. They have established their own curfew, own living style, schedule and values. Remember THEY ARE ADULTS and must be treated as such (even if they are not acting the part) and as a responsible parent, it is ok for you to draw up a rental contract. Give them the freedom to begin to take responsibility for the property, which they are renting, from you.
Respect Them as Adults
Sometimes this is the hardest; after all we are MOM. My son even said when he moved back home “Don’t treat me like your son, treat me like a tenant.” Yeah, right I thought. Eventually I informed him, “you are my son, and so we have to figure out how to do this based on that reality.” That seemed to take the pressure off of both of us. I could still communicate with him as a loving parent, speak into his life and encourage him, and help him look to the future.
Understand the WHY
Our children might move back home for a variety of reasons: they have graduated from college and trying to find a job, they did an internship and are back home to figure out the ‘next’, they moved out and life on their own just didn’t work out, or a multitude of other reasons. Knowing the why they have come back helps you as the mom move them toward adulthood and stepping back out.
Our children are entering into adolescence younger than ever and staying in that adolescent stage longer too. Studies show that most children don’t move into the adult stage of life until they are 26. My personal feeling is that oftentimes we, the parents, might be responsible for this lengthy adolescence. We need to evaluate our role as parents, understand the values we want our children to take with them as they transition to independent adult living, and ask for the Lord’s leadership in instilling those values in our children. There are things we can do as a loving parent to help strengthen and encourage them into adulthood. So if you find yourself with an adult child coming BACK home, embrace it as an opportunity to you to partner with the Father and instill some more values in the hearts of your children.
What are ways you are helping your children prepare and succeed as adults?
Misty Honnold Hughes is the founder of Lead-Her. She is the former executive director of The Single Mom KC. A former single mother of four, her greatest life work has been loving and leading her family well. Misty is sought out for discipleship, advice, and inspiration regarding single parents and women of God. She founded Mountain of Myrrh in 2009 to professionally assist single mothers and their surrounding communities, which later transitioned to The Single Mom KC. Since that time, she has traveled domestically and internationally to train, teach, and equip churches and communities to love and aide single mothers, but is now a full time life coach at https://www.lead-herministries.com/.
The Life of a Single Mom is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, the organization has worked with hundreds of churches to start a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond, as well as having served hundreds of thousands of single mothers with a variety of programs. Offering a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, online instructional videos, podcasts, newsletters, life skills education, and more, TLSM is one of the largest single mom organizations in the U.S. The robust selection of single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through Single Mom University, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, boot camps, and a variety of other programs. For more information, visit www.thelifeofasinglemom.com.
