From Broken to Beautiful by Dena Johnson

Broken.

Shattered.

Devastated.

Hopeless.

Lost.

Rejected.

Unwanted.

Unloved and unlovable.

Those are the words that ran through my mind after my marriage crumbled under the weight of unrepentant adultery. I was absolutely convinced my life was over, there was little reason to keep going. If it hadn’t been for my children, I’m not sure what I might have done.

I’ll never forget those days of brokenness, as I wandered in the wilderness of divorce. Just like the Israelites, I found myself doubting God, His character, His love for me. I grumbled about the harsh circumstances that had robbed me of my life as a happy pastor’s wife and stay-at-home mom. I longed for the security of a man to hold me and complete me. Even though I could see the slavery in which I had been trapped, I was oh so willing to go back to my Egypt!

As God began a work in my life, my perspective began to shift. Slowly, I began to catch a glimpse of a beautiful new future, of a promised land He had for me. Slowly, I began to surrender to Him, to allow Him to reveal His future to me one step at a time. Slowly, I began to see His hand in my circumstances, rescuing me and my children from circumstances that were robbing us of life. Slowly, I began to see the true character of God.

As I wandered in the wilderness, I learned some important lessons that I still carry with me every single day.

GOD IS FAITHFUL.

When you are in the wilderness, you see how He provides manna — the strange substance that is perfectly designed to sustain you. It’s never too much, never too little, but always exactly enough. Maybe it’s the one-hundred-dollar bill someone slips you in church that is exactly enough to pay for your kids’ basketball fees. Maybe it’s just a timely word that gives you the strength to keep moving forward. He is there, faithfully providing for you. He is more than enough!

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9

THE PAIN MAKES THE HEALING SO MUCH SWEETER.

When someone loses someone they love, we always find ourselves holding our loved ones a little closer. Loss has a way of magnifying the beauty we have, of encouraging us to put more value on those people of importance. You see, it’s the same with God’s perfect healing. Sometimes we have to experience deep loss to appreciate the beauty of a God who heals. To experience God in all His fullness, we must experience the pain this loss creates. 

He has torn us to pieces; now he will heal us. He has injured us; now he will bandage our wounds. ~ Hosea 6:1

HIS LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL

Oh, how unlovable I felt in the midst of my pain! I was so angry with God, I decided to turn my back on Him, to live life on my terms since living His way didn’t work out so well. Do you know what I discovered? My God fought for my affections! He loved me so much He didn’t leave me on my own. He ran after me, pursued me, fought for me as a shepherd protecting his sheep. It didn’t matter that I was unfaithful. He loved me even in my unfaithfulness.

If we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself. ~ 2 Timothy 2:13

TRIALS ARE THE DOORWAY TO BECOMING MORE LIKE HIM

I had a pastor challenge me to ask God to do a mighty work in me so He could do a mighty work through me. Can I just tell you that the season of my divorce became the most unbelievable experience of my life? I saw God work on my heart, showing me the true condition of my heart like never before. He pruned me of attitudes and actions that were not pleasing to Him. He showed me where pride had blinded me to the pain of others. It was a season of incredible intimacy with God, a season that left an indelible impression upon me. The book of James tells us that our trials are designed to test our faith. If we surrender and allow Him access to our hearts, He will use the season to change you like you never thought possible.

Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. ~ Deuteronomy 8:2

HE ANSWERS PRAYERS

I know what you are thinking: if God answered my prayers, I wouldn’t be in this season of divorce. I prayed for my husband. I prayed for repentance. I prayed for our marriage. I prayed for our finances. I prayed for his faith and his future and everything I could think to pray for. I still landed in divorce court. Do you know what I learned? Over the next few years, I saw God answer every single prayer. The answers just didn’t look the way I expected them to. I prayed for our finances, but God blessed my finances. I prayed for our ministry, but God blessed my ministry. I prayed for his repentance, and God led another man to repentance—a man who now loves me as Christ loved the church. My prayers were never wasted, always answered, in His way and not mine.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." ~ Isaiah 55:8-9

REDEMPTION IS BEAUTIFUL

It took seven long years to experience full redemption, but can I tell you how wonderful it is? I can’t sit here and tell you that it will match your vision of redemption, but I can tell you to trust Him when He takes you down these crazy paths that seem so wrong. My husband and I often look at each other and just laugh. Who would have thought that it would be a friend from high school, one that chased me for years and while I kept him in the friend zone? Even our crazy blended family looks different from what we imagined in the early days, but it is insanely beautiful. And fun. And we love our lives — the lives God has created through our circumstances.

Come back to the place of safety, all you prisoners who still have hope! I promise this very day that I will repay two blessings for each of your troubles. ~ Zechariah 9:12

WALKING CLOSELY WITH HIM USHERS IN A BEAUTIFUL NEW THING.

One of the scriptures that gave me such hope in those early days was Isaiah 43:18-19. We have our lives all planned out. We think we know the path we will take, what the final picture looks like. The truth is only God knows what our lives will look like. When we find ourselves on an unwanted detour, we have to remember He is sovereign, He is directing our lives. Sometimes we have to move from our comfort zone to find the beauty He wants us to experience. If you are being shaken at your foundations, trust that He is doing something new. And His new is more beautiful than you can possibly imagine!

“But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? ~ Isaiah 43:18-19

Believe it or not, I can look back and say that the journey was fun. You probably can’t imagine using the word fun to describe this season; I know that word never crossed my mind in the midst of the wilderness of divorce. But now as I look back over the years, God’s hand is so evident at every turn, sovereignly creating circumstances for my good, creating the amazing life I have today. I can actually say it was fun to experience such a deep level of intimacy with Him as He provided for my every need.

It may seem hard to imagine right now, but you can trust that God is working to create beauty from your broken life.

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