Oh, the ol’ bugaboo of dating as a single mom. Should you? Shouldn’t you? It’s a tough question that requires a great deal of thought and prayer, as you follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, as He guides your life. As you move into potential dating, here are some considerations:
Only date when healthy. My goodness, I can’t tell you the number of single mothers that I have counseled that moved far too quickly from a divorce or break-up into a new relationship. It’s easy to do. Overwhelmed and exhausted with the weight of the world on your shoulders, why not find a man to fix the loneliness? Your pursuit of a new relationship won’t erase the existing hurt of an old one. It won’t heal it. Unfortunately, too many second marriages or new relationships pay the price for a broken-hearted mom who didn’t take the time to mend. The Lord is our Great Physician. He is Healer. He is Redeemer and Restorer. Allow the time necessary to heal, learn, grow, and receive spiritual nourishment from Him, before moving into a new season too quickly. The Lord never calls us to be hasty.
Set boundaries early. Don’t wait to be head-over-heels for a guy before deciding what your boundaries will be. Too little too late. Pray about what you want from a relationship. Pray about what God wants for you and the children. Then, outline what are the healthiest boundaries for you and your child(ren). List them out long before you decide to date again. When you see that a potential partner is not in alignment with these God-breathed boundaries, move on quickly. Boundaries are established all throughout Scripture, as the Lord teaches us His will and ways. The same should be true for you, as you consider a new mate.
Proceed with caution. The devastation of a divorce or failed relationship can take years to heal. The remnants that remain can have lasting effects. The worst thing that could happen to yourself or your precious kiddos is to have to go through it again. Don’t throw caution to the wind. Pray. Seek. Listen. Be still before God and hear what He has for you, not what you desire for yourself. Ensure that you move in sync and alignment with the living God, not your flesh or emotions. This whole do-as-you-feel culture is killing Believers. We must do as the Lord leads, not as we feel. Feelings are temporal and confusing. God’s Word is eternal and true.
Don’t ignore the red flags. We all have the friend who is dating the wrong guy and everyone knows it but her! Newsflash: she knows it, too! If you embark upon a new relationship and the guy is constantly rude, late, unemployed, untrustworthy, not kid-friendly, pushing sexual boundaries, or anything else contradictory to God’s Word, don’t make excuses and pretend it will go away. It won’t. The excuse-making must end, single moms. We must love and trust the Lord enough to know that we don’t have to compromise. We can wait upon the Lord, for He is good, and His mercies endure.
Don’t be ruled by emotions. Jeremiah 17:9 teaches us that being ruled by our hearts can be misleading or deceitful. Jumping into the water with both feet, because he gives you the “tingles” will likely leave you disappointed in the end. Again, take your time. I remember hearing a women’s pastor share about how she met her husband. They met in college and he was totally not her type. He was a “preppy” kid and she was definitely more into cowboys with a bad-boy persona. She only went out with him as a favor to a friend. Although he was nice, she found herself uninterested and waiting for the date to be over. When she arrived back to her dorm room that evening, he had sent her a dozen roses with a card that said, “Thanks for the amazing first date.” As time passed, she went out with him a few more times and God slowly changed her heart, as she sought the will of her Heavenly Father. The man that she once had no interest in suddenly became the man of her dreams. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw him. They have been married more than 10 years now. Thank God, she didn’t let her emotions ruin God’s good thing for her life.
And lastly, when God speaks, respond. The Holy Spirit gives us a “gut check” when things aren’t quite right. Go with that. It is the leading and guiding of the Spirit that gives you clear discernment. Don’t discount its significance.
Jennifer Maggio is an award-winning author and speaker, whose personal journey through homelessness, abuse, and single parenting is leaving audiences around the globe riveted. At 19, Maggio was living in government housing on food stamps and welfare, as she struggled to raise two children alone. She shares with great openness her pain, mistakes, and journey to find hope in Christ. She ultimately became an 11-time Circle of Excellence winner in Corporate America, founder of a national nonprofit, author to multiple books, and national single parenting expert. Her passion for the Lord is contagious and her story has been used to inspire thousands around the globe. For more info, visit her website at jennifermaggio.com.
The Life of a Single Mom® is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, the organization has worked with thousands of churches to start a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond, as well as having served more than one million single mothers with a variety of programs. Offering a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, online instructional videos, podcasts, newsletters, life skills education, and more, TLSM is one of the largest single mom organizations in the U.S. The robust selection of single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through Single Mom University®, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, boot camps, and a variety of other programs. For more information, visit thelifeofasinglemom.com.
