Christmas is one of my favorite times of year. I love hot cocoa, Christmas decorations, Christmas music, snuggling under a blanket watching Christmas movies, egg nog, parties, and all the traditions that Christmas brings. I love seeing family and friends that I haven’t seen in a while. I love the reminder of childhood memories with aunts and cousins baking pies in the kitchen or distributing fresh-baked holiday goods to neighbors and servicemen. But, let’s be honest. Christmas can be one of the most difficult times of year for many, and especially for single parents, as one may grieve the loss of a loved one or the failure of a relationship that was supposed to last forever.
My first Christmas as a single mom is one of my saddest memories, quite frankly. My infant son and I spent the day alone. I was a brand new single mom, and I struggled to find my way in motherhood and singleness. Could I even be a good mom? I often wondered. I stared at my baby most of the day, as I laid in bed and cried myself to sleep. The phone didn’t ring. No one knocked at my door. I couldn’t bear to cook a Christmas meal for just the two of us. And grief doesn’t even seem to be an adequate word to describe how sad I was that day. I almost yearned to go to work to interact with another adult.
I would love to say that was my only Christmas alone or Thanksgiving or Easter or Valentines. I spent many holidays as a single mom. And frankly, many of them were sad. I want to encourage all you single moms out there not to make the same mistake I did. Those holidays were often spent with me dwelling on the things I didn’t have. I was convinced everyone had a better life than me and I was angry. I wondered why my children had to suffer through not having two parents in their home. I was sad that I had little money to provide Christmas toys. I decidedly huddled under my covers and prayed the days away.
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Here are the things I wish I would’ve done all those years ago:
1. Choose to focus on what God has given you. Maybe things didn’t turn out like you planned. Whose life ever does? God has blessed you beyond measure. Start with the cross. If God never did anything else for us, wouldn’t that be enough? Be He doesn’t stop there. He gives us our beautiful, amazing children, our jobs, residence, friends, health, family, church family, and a single mom sisterhood through The Life of a Single Mom Ministries. God is good, faithful, and provisional. Praise Him this season!
2. Choose to rejoice in the real reason for the season. Focus on Christ’s birth. Read the Christmas story to your kids, no matter their ages. Create traditions with them, such as baking cookies, make ornaments for a nursing home, serving at a soup kitchen. Decide to focus on the real meaning for the season through service to others and family traditions. It makes the holidays a far more special time.
3. Choose to focus on the freedom Christ has given you. May I be totally honest with you? Christ paid for my freedom oh so many years ago, but I refused to walk in it. You see, it was my choice to be bitter, unforgiving, and angry. It was my choice to play the victim and wonder why I had endured so much. It was only when I stopped speaking terrible things over my life and when I chose to move beyond my past that I embraced Christ’s freedom for my life. I chose life. I chose freedom. That’s when I truly learned to celebrate each holiday season and each day for that matter. My perspective in life shifted. Joy was then mine. It can be yours this day.
Jennifer Maggio is the author of multiple books, including The Church and the Single Mom and Overwhelmed: The Life of a Single Mom. The founder of The Life of a Single Mom Ministries and Single Mom University®, Maggio spends many of her days praying for and counseling with single mothers nationwide. For more information, visit https://jennifermaggio.com/
The Life of a Single Mom® is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, the organization has worked with thousands of churches to start a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond, as well as having served more than one million single mothers with a variety of programs. Offering a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, online instructional videos, podcasts, newsletters, life skills education, and more, TLSM is one of the largest single mom organizations in the U.S. The robust selection of single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through Single Mom University®, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, boot camps, and a variety of other programs. For more information, visit thelifeofasinglemom.com.
