Dear Single Mom,
My hope is to help you with your finances today by identifying a common trap — making comparisons.
It’s easy to compare yourself to others in this self-centered world. There is great pressure to meet the perceived expectations of culture. Social media feeds it. Unknowingly, other moms, friends, and family can, too. Comparing yourself to others creates pride and/or discouragement. Both are hazardous to your spiritual and financial health.
Here are some tips that can help you avoid the comparison trap that leads to discontentment and overspending.
Seek Approval From the Lord, Not the World.
Though you crave affirmation, it should not motivate your financial decisions. The Apostle Paul said, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10 ESV)
If Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior, then He has made you a steward of all He provides. Guard your heart and mind, protecting what goes in your eyes and ears, so that you are not negatively influenced by society. “Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” (Romans 12:2a ESV)
The Trap
Companies know how to market to the emotions of shoppers. Please know that you don’t need to impress anyone, and using money to try and feel better doesn’t work long-term. It actually does the opposite. The answer lies in spending less so that you can save more. This creates margin, which will enable you to step back from a financial cliff. A lifestyle of consistently spending less develops a frugal mentality that accelerates your financial wellbeing. Remember this, improving the size of your savings feels better than anything that depletes it! It will actually help reduce your stress.
Frugality is freeing. It grants stability and allows you to focus on true priorities, not those that the world dictates. Short-term sacrifices enable you to work towards long-term goals. Besides, you’ll experience gratitude for all God provides and contentment with what you already have.
Ask yourself these questions to help keep on track:
- Why buy things I don’t truly need? Learn to differentiate between needs and wants. Don’t compare your circumstances to others. Focus on what you need, not what you want.
- Why panic and spend more when rushed? Plan ahead, and shop wisely for upcoming needs. Don’t try to keep up with those who seem to be able to spend carefree.
- Who says I have to buy new? Find deals at thrift stores, garage sales, Craigslist, and Facebook Marketplace. Just because your friends may order everything new from Amazon doesn’t mean you have to.
- Who says I have to spend money on gifts? Avoid imagining what others may be spending for the gifts they give their children or friends. Your time, new experiences, hand-made items, baked goods, or written notes show you really care.
Mothers often spend too much money on their children due to several reasons. Babies and toddlers do not need the plethora of gadgets, nursery décor, and stuff that occupies space and depreciates greatly after use. Accept (and request) hand-me-downs. Avoid taking children to the store where you’ll be tempted to buy what’s not needed. Learn to say “no” to teens, and set the example for financial self-control.
Take care of yourself, but recognize that there are alternative ways of doing that besides spending money. Trade skills with friends, like baking, haircuts, manicures, babysitting, pet sitting, bookkeeping, tutoring, etc.
Build your emergency savings, pay off debt, and give. Christian Credit Counselors can help with credit card debt. Don’t lose hope. With a patient heart and disciplined hands, you will soon experience the joy of living God’s way.
Children grow quickly. They want your love, affirmation, and acceptance more than anything money can buy. One day, what they remember most about you will be how well you loved them, not what you spent on them.
Keep an Eternal Focus.
If you struggle with the comparison trap, remember that life is short, and we are all just passing through. Keep an eternal focus, casting all your anxieties on Him. He cares for you and those children — more than you even realize. (1 Peter 5:7) Nothing can compare to that.
Want to reform your finances and work towards financial freedom? Apply for Single Mom University today, for access to over 175 classes including 35 finance courses! Apply for a scholarship at singlemomuniversity.com/apply-for-scholarship.
Chuck Bentley is CEO of Crown Financial Ministries, the largest Christian financial ministry in the world, founded by the late Larry Burkett. He is the host of a daily radio broadcast, My MoneyLife, featured on more than 1,000 Christian Music and Talk stations in the U.S., and author of his most recent book, Money Problems, Marriage Solutions. Be sure to follow Crown on Facebook and check out the website at www.crown.org.
The Life of a Single Mom is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, the organization has worked with hundreds of churches to start a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond, as well as having served hundreds of thousands of single mothers with a variety of programs. Offering a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, online instructional videos, podcasts, newsletters, life skills education, and more, TLSM is one of the largest single mom organizations in the U.S. The robust selection of single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through Single Mom University, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, boot camps, and a variety of other programs. For more information, visit www.thelifeofasinglemom.com.
