Far too often, single moms measure their circumstances only by how much financial capital they have. If money tends to run low or becomes threatened, overall stress and sense of vulnerability may increase. This narrow focus omits other forms of capital that are of equal or greater value for your well-being. The one I want to focus on today is your relational capital.
God created us with a need for relationships within a broader community of people. Yet, it is easy to isolate ourselves when hurt, fearful, or insecure. Pride can keep us from discovering the benefits of people with skill, wisdom, and knowledge can offer. Besides what we can gain, life is richer when shared with others.
Guidelines and Tips
Audit your relational capital. I don’t mean counting how many friends you have on social media; rather, how many people you know well enough to ask for help should you need it. Write down the names and contact information of these friends or acquaintances and the type of help you might consider seeking from them. Whether needing employment, a plumber, an auto mechanic, a doctor, a financial advisor, an apartment sitter, or a babysitter, appropriate relationships with people we trust are essential to help us thrive in the unexpected.
It is best if this is a list of people who have nothing to gain should you need to call upon them. They should also be people that have demonstrated that they are trustworthy. Seek to increase this list over time. This is now your vault of real resources should you ever need help, counsel, advice, or services donated or purchased for anything that may arise.
Expanding Your Relational Capital
Church is a great place to meet others who may become priceless in your time of need. As you are able, invest in gaining new relationships by plugging into the church, volunteering to serve, and taking an active role in classes, trips, fellowships, or small groups.
Memberships in professional organizations offer community in a rich and challenging manner. Not only is it a place to be served but one in which you can serve and help others. It can be a source of guidance, accountability, growth, and encouragement.
Evaluate professional organizations carefully. Study reviews online. Who recommends them? Are there any red flags? Do you share their core values? Will the organization protect your privacy? Are the leader’s people of good character? Is it well-established and recognized in the industry?
Another great way to expand your relationships is to be willing and available to help others first. Determine how you can add value to others in their time of need and give generously. Babysitting, making meals, visiting the sick or elderly, and helping a professional colleague can be small steps to building a friendship for life.
When you serve others, make a friend, or do a kind act for someone else, you are essentially making deposits of relational capital into your vault that can be drawn upon in the future. As in all things, it is better to build up credits in this account as opposed to running deficits. If you are always needing help but seldom returning it, your social capital may dry up.
Many Advisors = Improved Odds of Success
Often, single moms simply need someone trustworthy to talk to when facing a major decision or challenge. Consider asking a small group you have identified on your list to be available for general counsel.
Proverbs 15:22 (NIV) says, “Plans fail for lack of counselors, but with many advisors, they succeed.” Use discernment of who you add to your list of advisors. When you turn to God’s people, it will likely become a beautiful, mutually beneficial asset. The Lord will work through others to show you His faithfulness.
Over the years, I have been in a group of advisors who served a single mom from church to help her with financial and business issues. Because she is a physician, I had had the opportunity to call upon her on a few occasions when one of our children or a friend needed to speak to or see a doctor. This has been a blessing for both of us.
By growing and expanding this often overlooked form of capital, you will be much better equipped for whatever circumstances may come your way.
Chuck Bentley is CEO of Crown Financial Ministries, the largest Christian financial ministry in the world, founded by the late Larry Burkett. He is the host of a daily radio broadcast, My MoneyLife, featured on more than 1,000 Christian Music and Talk stations in the U.S., and author of his most recent book, Money Problems, Marriage Solutions. Be sure to follow Crown on Facebook and check out the website at www.crown.org.
The Life of a Single Mom is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, the organization has worked with hundreds of churches to start a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond, as well as having served hundreds of thousands of single mothers with a variety of programs. Offering a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, online instructional videos, podcasts, newsletters, life skills education, and more, TLSM is one of the largest single mom organizations in the U.S. The robust selection of single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through Single Mom University, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, boot camps, and a variety of other programs. For more information, visit www.thelifeofasinglemom.com.
