We're still in the beginning of a new year, and I’m trying to be gentle with myself and realistic about my life as a single mom. So much has changed for me recently, and launching 3 of my children off into the adult world and out of my home nest, combined with realities of parenting 2 teenagers at home as a solo parent, has felt like a lot of pressure and stress. Resolutions don’t sit well with me (it feels like too much added pressure), but I want to be intentional about how I want to live. And I want to live with more joy.
In my quest to figure out how I might bring more joy into my life and my home, I remember a time that I was desperate for hope and didn’t have any, and a life-changing experiment I made.
At the time, just a few years ago, I was in ridiculous circumstances. Everything was new or changing, and there were, literally, life and death decisions all around me. I was working full time in a new job, all 5 kids were living at home, some were very depressed, they all needed a lot from me, my terminally-ill husband was losing mobility everyday, most everything we needed to make him comfortable and continue to communicate was not covered by insurance, he needed physical therapy, CNAs, speech therapists, so that it seemed as if everyone was running in and out of the house everyday, and it was a lot to manage. But the worst of it was that I was slowly losing my very best friend, my dear husband, little by little and trying to “enjoy” the fact that he was still here, while everyday realizing it was getting worse and he was never getting better, despite our efforts.
I was keeping everyone going, and I needed to take care of myself or none of this would work. I prayed and tried everything and anything to keep myself going: therapy, exercise, sunshine, reaching out to friends, eating healthy, and, in a moment of desperation, when I was pleading with God to help, I read Proverbs 3:5-6:
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and He shall direct thy paths."
The word “acknowledge” rattled around in my head and I thought that I needed to acknowledge God’s goodness to myself and to my kids more often, but I was feeling overwhelmed, so I started small. I started a gratitude journal. I rolled my eyes the first time I opened the book “to write down five things I was grateful for that day.” But I did it. I thought, I will try everything to find happiness. And I did. I wrote. Everyday. Even on the worst days of caregiving.
In the beginning, my gratitude journal included a lot of entries about food. (Never underestimate the power of a good chicken sandwich). But then, slowly, I wrote about small moments I might have overlooked before. There were meaningful conversations and vital connections that created appreciation. The kinds that can change your life, and they changed mine. I learned that we find what we’re looking for. God knows this, and wants us to acknowledge Him because when we do, there is so much evidence surrounding us of how much He loves us and how often He is blessing us.
Keeping a gratitude journal taught me that sorrow and joy can co-exist, and often do. We don’t have to be loyal to feelings of depression, anxiety, sorrow, even and especially when they are so strong. We can be those things AND feel joy, feel happy, find something really funny, and feel God’s love for us, too. We are not alone. God blesses us constantly, whether we “deserve it” or not, we don’t have to qualify everything.
Acknowledging God, and the practice of that, brought me deep joy. It trained me to look for the unexpected good all around. It quieted my mind to the love and patience of God who wants the very best things for all of us. On the very worst day, the day I lost my beloved, I wrote in my gratitude journal what would become my favorite entry. I had no idea how much acknowledging God would help me when I started. I had no idea, but God knew. Amid injustice, pain, and grief, God offers us real retreat and balm when we need it the very most.
So with the new year, and more change, and different challenges (the fun never stops!) I'm intentionally going back to the gratitude journal, and this time I’m doing it with my kids. We are writing down the good things that we notice during our days and sharing them with each other during the week. And I don’t even care if they roll their eyes, because I know it will create joy for them. And me. (And, at the very least, there are more good chicken sandwiches out there meant for me!)
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MEET THE AUTHOR
Lisa Clark is an improvisational actor, writer of Real Moms Making It Up As We Go, widow, and mother to Miles, Owen, Phoebe, Hugh, and Margaret.
She is passionate about her kids, her faith, and connecting with others and caring for each other. As host of The Lisa Show, she talks about all things good. Lisa believes there's more than enough information and pressure out there for us all to live "our best lives," but there's a power in laughing together at the hits and misses we're all experiencing in the middle of it all. We are all in this together! Laugh with her at thelisashowpodcast.com.
WHO WE ARE
The Life of a Single Mom is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, the organization has worked with hundreds of churches to start a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond, as well as having served hundreds of thousands of single mothers with a variety of programs. Offering a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, online instructional videos, podcasts, newsletters, life skills education, and more, TLSM is one of the largest single mom organizations in the U.S. The robust selection of single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through Single Mom University, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, boot camps, and a variety of other programs. For more information, visit thelifeofasinglemom.com.
