Have you ever felt singled out? When I was single, I would find myself reacting defensively when asked about my relationship status. How many ways can you possibly deflect questions like, “You’re so handsome/beautiful/such a catch, how come you’re still single?” The truth is before anyone asks about our marital status, we have already posed those same rhetorical questions to ourselves and then we allow the voice of fear answer those questions for us.
Learn to silence the internal voice of fear. Fear always speaks to lies focused on self. Faith always declares truth focused on Christ.Think of all the painful questions we ask ourselves from a place of fear:
- What is wrong with me?
- Why haven’t I found anyone? Am I being too picky?
- What went wrong in my last relationship?
- Did I miss my chance? Do I need to put myself out there more?
- Will I always be alone?
The problem with all of these questions is that it puts the basis of your trust on yourself rather than on Jesus. Oftentimes, Christ does not give us the answer to our questions; He gives us Himself which is always the answer! For each question, go to the Word and focus on a characteristic of your loving Father that applies to that. Write them down, make them plain, and reaffirm your trust in God. If you doubt that you deserve love, remember Calvary. If you think you are somehow dysfunctional, and that’s why you can’t have a relationship, remember Jer 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” God dearly loves you, and He has created you for a particular purpose and plan which is unfolding day by day at the perfect pace and in His divine rhythm of grace.
Practically, If you make marriage your ultimate quest in life, you will miss out on what God is doing presently, right where you are, in your quest to get “there”. Seek God first. Prioritize God’s mission for your life first. Order is important.When order is restored, blessing is released. Take it from Jesus who says in Matt 6:33 NIV But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. While you are waiting for life to happen, it happens! Trust your Maker to be your matchmaker. His hand moves at His perfect pace and timing. I encourage you to just take a deep breath, relax and enjoy the Lord. Thank God for all the closed doors in relationships and know that you can’t force God’s hand. He is too good of a Father to give His daughters anything less than a perfect gift.
If you are feeling singled out, not to worry, you are not alone. God is with you and He is for you.
Mercy Lokulutu is originally from Nigeria and carries with her a rich cultural and spiritual heritage. She is a wife to Marcus and mother to Isaiah and Ava-Pauline. She moved to Florida from Nigeria in 2001 to study nursing, met her husband in a thriving local church and together have continued to help build the local church, globally. For over a decade, Mercy has been teaching the Word of God, serving to build the local church and has traveled around the United States and the world to preach the gospel. Mercy’s love for God is evident in all she does and her desire is to help people come to know Jesus personally and activate the potential in them. She is the author of As You Wish: Living a Life of Surrender to God.
The Life of a Single Mom is a national, faith-based, nonprofit that exists to see that no single mom walks alone. To date, we have worked with more than 1,500 churches & community groups to start or improve a single mom’s support group in cities throughout the U.S. and beyond. We have a large array of books, curriculum, training materials, and online instructional videos to support ministry leaders who lead single moms. Our single mom programs focus on empowering single moms to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially, and parentally through a number of projects including: Single Mom University, Single Moms Across America, the National TLSM Single Moms Conference, and a variety of programs throughout the U.S. For more information, visit www.thelifeofasinglemom.com