Oh, how wonderful it was the day I held him in my arms. I looked into his big bright eyes and promised him the world. I imagined the perfect life for the three of us. The big house with a swing set, working from home, anticipating daily when I would hear his precious footsteps running through the house and greeting the love of my life at the front door with the aroma of dinner embracing him like a warm blanket. That’s the life my child deserved and the life I dreamt of as a child.
After a couple of years, my dreams were scattered. My hope for a perfect home was gone, and I was left alone to raise not only one son, but now two, without a father. Devastation overtook my plans. Circumstances detoured my path. And fear gripped my mind. What will I do now? I lost my peace, confidence, self esteem, friends, home, job and most of all the ability to stand strong. I had to learn to navigate my life with two children without a father and had very little optimism that my future would be greater than my past.
I found myself prostrate before the Lord daily, asking Him to wean me from the dependencies of the government, family and friends and to mend my brokenness. I sought God for direction to teach me step by step how to raise my prince without a king. I didn’t want to play both roles. I only wanted to do what I was equipped to do and I wanted to do it with the best of my abilities that would make a positive impact in my children’s lives. I wanted and needed God to permeate my entire being so that I could let go and trust Him.
As I allowed God to take control, my darkest nights brightened over time. I saw my oldest prince go from an angry, broken, competitive boy to an emotionally developed, incredible, talented and God fearing young man right before my eyes. My youngest prince was pierced with fear, low self esteem, rejection and depression, but as I continued on the path God chose for me and my family, I watched him overcome damaging obstacles that tried to destroy his future and become a young man with dreams, compassion for others and now mission focus.
Trust has become my way of life and peace my way of thinking. Only God could give me the blue print to raising a prince without a king and only God can make promises that are never broken. He promised to be a Father to the fatherless…(psalm 68:5) and that has changed the course of my family. We may not have a tangible king in our home, but we indeed have the help from the King of all kings.