I am asked often, in light of my less-than-shining past, how on earth did you find a good, Christian man like your husband? I told myself many of the things that some of you may be telling yourself.
”No good man would ever want me with all the mistakes I have made.” “What man would want a ready-made family?”
In fact, I had convinced myself that I would never find a good Christian man that met my criteria (you know, the tough stuff like having a job, a car, a desire to achieve, good-looking).
I recently spoke to a group of single women and share my take on how to find a Godly man. Here are the two questions to consider:
Start by asking yourself, “Do I want a godly man or do I just want a man?”
Can I CHANGE him into a Christian? You can’t. And no, you have not been “called” to lead him to Christ, so that he can one day be your husband, so stop telling yourself as much.
Once you have gotten those two questions out of the way, here’s what you need to know to move on:
Be a godly woman. Your future Christian husband is not looking for his wife at the local bar, falling down drunk, with her boobs hanging out. Start thinking about what it is that you want in a man and start portraying it in your own life. Where in the Bible does it give instruction on being a godly woman? Proverbs 31!
– Proverbs 31:11 – “Her husband can trust her and she will greatly enrich his life.” Enrich means “to add to”. You cannot add to a man’s life when you are looking to take from him. You cannot be on the hunt for a man to father your kids, to pay your bills, or to complete you.
– Proverbs 31:25 “She is clothed with strength and dignity….When she speaks her words are wise.” How does a woman with strength and dignity carry herself? (no short skirts, no boobs out) If you are in the middle of Walmart cussing your child, are you using wise words? Does that attract a man?
Be wise. Be familiar with God’s word.
Proverbs 24:3 “A house is built by wisdom and becomes strong through good sense.”
Proverbs 24:12 “Don’t excuse yourself by saying, ‘Look, we didn’t know.’ For God understands all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows what you knew. He will repay all people as their actions deserve.” DO NOT SAY YOU DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS WRONG TO HAVE SEX WITH THIS MAN OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE OR WRONG TO CUSS OR WRONG TO DRESS INAPPROPRIATELY. DO NOT SAY, “I DIDN’T KNOW” WHEN YOUR MAN SLEEPS AROUND, SELLS DRUGS, OR ISNT GODLY. DO NOT COMPROMISE.
Don’t be in a hurry.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under the sun.”
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jennifer Maggio is a leading authority on single parents’ and womens’ issues. She is founder of The Life of a Single Mom Ministries and an award-winning author and speaker.