How to Find a Godly Man

I am asked often, in light of my less-than-shining past, how on earth did you find a good, Christian man like your husband? I told myself many of the things that some of you may be telling yourself.

”No good man would ever want me with all the mistakes I have made.” “What man would want a ready-made family?”

In fact, I had convinced myself that I would never find a good Christian man that met my criteria (you know, the tough stuff like having a job, a car, a desire to achieve, good-looking).

I recently spoke to a group of single women and share my take on how to find a Godly man. Here are the two questions to consider:

Start by asking yourself, “Do I want a godly man or do I just want a man?”
Can I CHANGE him into a Christian? You can’t. And no, you have not been “called” to lead him to Christ, so that he can one day be your husband, so stop telling yourself as much.
Once you have gotten those two questions out of the way, here’s what you need to know to move on:

Be a godly woman. Your future Christian husband is not looking for his wife at the local bar, falling down drunk, with her boobs hanging out. Start thinking about what it is that you want in a man and start portraying it in your own life. Where in the Bible does it give instruction on being a godly woman? Proverbs 31!

– Proverbs 31:11 – “Her husband can trust her and she will greatly enrich his life.” Enrich means “to add to”. You cannot add to a man’s life when you are looking to take from him. You cannot be on the hunt for a man to father your kids, to pay your bills, or to complete you.

– Proverbs 31:25 “She is clothed with strength and dignity….When she speaks her words are wise.” How does a woman with strength and dignity carry herself? (no short skirts, no boobs out) If you are in the middle of Walmart cussing your child, are you using wise words? Does that attract a man?

Be wise. Be familiar with God’s word.

Proverbs 24:3 “A house is built by wisdom and becomes strong through good sense.”

Proverbs 24:12 “Don’t excuse yourself by saying, ‘Look, we didn’t know.’ For God understands all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows what you knew. He will repay all people as their actions deserve.” DO NOT SAY YOU DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS WRONG TO HAVE SEX WITH THIS MAN OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE OR WRONG TO CUSS OR WRONG TO DRESS INAPPROPRIATELY. DO NOT SAY, “I DIDN’T KNOW” WHEN YOUR MAN SLEEPS AROUND, SELLS DRUGS, OR ISNT GODLY. DO NOT COMPROMISE.

Don’t be in a hurry.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under the sun.”

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

Jennifer Maggio is a leading authority on single parents’ and womens’ issues. She is founder of The Life of a Single Mom Ministries and an award-winning author and speaker.

16 Comments

  1. michele November 3, 2012 at 8:53 am - Reply

    This sight was enlightening and encouraging!

  2. Charlotte Dsouza November 6, 2012 at 8:06 am - Reply

    I have tears in my eyes, whilst I read how to find a Godly man. I am 30 and I wanted my life to be perfect, which it was, and to top it with Icing I thought to get married. I loved this man, so much and gave up everything, for him my money , my savings, all my belongings property car you can name it. But what i couldnt do was to get him to pray with me. to say even a decade of rosary.

    I was so sorry to see my life change , taking a 360 degree turn, and I had lost every penny.

    Proverbs 24:12 “Don’t excuse yourself by saying, ‘Look, we didn’t know.’ For God understands all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows what you knew. He will repay all people as their actions deserve.” DO NOT SAY YOU DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS WRONG TO HAVE SEX WITH THIS MAN OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE OR WRONG TO CUSS OR WRONG TO DRESS INAPPROPRIATELY. DO NOT SAY, “I DIDN’T KNOW” WHEN YOUR MAN SLEEPS AROUND, SELLS DRUGS, OR ISNT GODLY. DO NOT COMPROMISE.

    The para above has made me cry, knowingly I got into this relationship and messed it up for me and my son.

    I have no choice but to wait in hope for Gods loving hand to reach out to me!

    I have not yet gone through your entire site, but just reading this page, has brought my entire life in front of me like a big wide screen. I need help and I dont know what to do.

    Pls pray for me and my child.

    • regretful July 12, 2013 at 11:59 pm - Reply

      I feel your pain and I know exactly what u are goin thru for I am I’m the same boat. I miss read everything and thought God brought someone in my life, but when I look at it now he’s not what I thought. I to am waiting on Gods hand and tryin to make right what I did wrong and make the situation better for my kids please pray for us and the door to open for us to get out

  3. anonymous March 15, 2013 at 7:19 pm - Reply

    “…..No good man would ever want me with all the mistakes I have made.” “What man would want a ready-made family?”…”

    I perhaps can add one useful piece of advice, as a man who is generally regarded as Godly by my wife, kids, friends, pastors, etc. (Here’s hoping God actually agrees with their assessment….)

    If, as a single mom, you find yourself dating a godly man who has not yet had children of his own, then it is imperative that you communicate to him, early on — “YES, if you marry me, I will bear YOUR children too.” (Unless by some tragedy you are medically incapable of doing so, of course.)

    Alas, that is NOT what I was offered when I was still single, in my 30s, and the women of my age cohort finally tired of badboys. I was more than willing to take on her children IN ADDITION to having my own…, but the deal I was always offered, was, take on her children INSTEAD OF having my own.

    I said NO to that deal. I did know some guys who said yes, but, just be warned, if you are closed to the idea of having more children, you are narrowing your selection pool quite a bit. You might not want to do that.

  4. Guest April 22, 2014 at 8:11 pm - Reply

    God is your husband. In marriage there is Man God and Woman. God is the foundation of marriage and life. Teach your children that God is a family member whether you are single or married. Ladies who are single remember you have a husband which is God and let God be your matchmaker.

  5. trish April 8, 2015 at 4:44 pm - Reply

    Ok so honestly it’s ridiculous for u to have thought no good christian man would want a ready made family or who would want u with all the past mistakes….it’s ridiculous bc God is the one that blesses n as a woman of God u r in his hands and that is a promise to u…It’s obvious u weren’t depending on God to bring him to u, bc if u were u would not have said that. 2. Plain n simple ladies! Do not be unequally yoked! It’s biblical stop getting with worldly men! ONLY talk to men that love Jesus and serve him! N yes u must be a woman of God! Go to church and allowthe holy spirit to transform u, and do Matthew 6:33…those men that u lost things to, God did not send them to u, it was the devil himself…So dust yourself off refuge urself under God and serve Him God is faithful to bless his people! Believe on the promises of God! They belong to u!

    • Helen Schirmer January 20, 2017 at 4:06 am - Reply

      My kids are grown and I still cannot get one.Myself and 5 other single Christian women in our church are all in the same boat. Three of us are divorced and three are widowed. I do not know any women who God brought someone into their life either. It must be a real rarity. All of us prayed the desires of our hearts at different times and nothing happened except we all have become very discouraged and very disappointed. One woman went on Christian Mingle and found unstable emotionally men and dishonest men. We are not single by choice. What do you base the idea that it is possible without examples?. Only Eve had an instant husband.ready for her. Single Christian men do not pursue and do not attend church either.. Porn use among Christian men is rampant and growing. Single Christian men can satisfy their sexual desires in the secrecy of their home computer. It is breaking up marriages and relationships as men lose their desire for real women. The church has not given the message that God called marriage good and we are being disobedient if we do not accept that fact. That means marriage is good for us too. We should desire it..So the church has not properly taught men and hides from speaking about things needing to be changed. It appears less and less marriages occur. As the church remains silent, this will only get worse. We have no reason to have expectant hope or pray. Apparently God’s will is to not intervene.Sad.No worn out Christian platitudes will change a thing. If marriage is still fund to be good by God, why doesn’t he act?

      • TLSMSTAFF January 25, 2017 at 9:01 pm - Reply

        Helen, thank you so much for stopping by our website and for taking the time to share your thoughts. While we understand your frustration and sympathize with the disappointment you have experienced, we lovingly disagree with your position. We work with more than 50,000 single mothers annually and we see God do the miraculous every day. There are many, many Christian women marrying Christian men every day. We cannot support the notion that there are no good Christian men out there, that the church is silent on sexual immorality, or that God’s will is for you to lack hope. There are many, many examples in the Bible of God’s constant reminders of hope. In fact, one of the fruits of the Spirit is hope, which we receive when we are saved. Also, we need not look further than Ruth as an example of how God ultimately delivered Boaz to her in the end. There are many examples of God’s faithfulness, not only in lifetime relationships, but in so many ways. God’s ways are mysterious. We can’t answer with certainty why you (or your Bible study ladies) haven’t found the one yet, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t out there or that God won’t bring him along one day, in due season. Don’t lose hope. In the meantime, celebrate your life’s season. Celebrate what God is doing in this season. Learn to embrace your singleness.

  6. Dani June 27, 2015 at 11:03 pm - Reply

    This insight has really touched my heart, I’m a single parent trying to do right and find the one guy for me it feels impossible sometimes but I’m trying to be patient.

  7. Dee January 8, 2016 at 3:30 am - Reply

    I find the author’s words encouraging , but my furnace has been the wait. I’m almost forty, and I have been a single mother for 15 years. I will hold onto the promises, the only anchor I have.

  8. jy June 15, 2016 at 8:08 am - Reply

    To all the single mum round the world God will see us through. Amen.matt 6:33.settles all our search.

  9. temmi June 25, 2016 at 10:05 pm - Reply

    Hi…my question is where do i find a Godly man?

    • Tina August 5, 2016 at 7:37 am - Reply

      You don’t go looking to find him… the bible says “HE who finds a wife finds a good thing.” In the meantime while waiting for God to open his eyes to see you, fall more in love with Jesus…pursue and seek after God’s heart. Find favor with God & busy yourself with delighting yourself in Him.

    • Lisa August 26, 2016 at 9:13 pm - Reply

      You won’t find a godly man.god will bring him to you when the time is right

  10. Mari November 19, 2016 at 1:00 am - Reply

    I’ve been with my husband for just over 6 yrs and it’s been godless and miserable More often then not. I just officially left this man and I’m sad heartbroken and ready to do things God’s way and let him guide me down the right path.

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